Eeny Meeny Miney Mo!
by the crazy ladies
Summary: Draco and Harry are the main Characters, They are not gay. There is slash later on though... don't like... don't read!... our pairings are LegoOC (yes Legolas, he doesn't belong but you can deal!) DOC, Ha?, RHer and later RumSiri.
1. We're HERE!

Ok… here we are, writing together, for the first time… hope you all like it…

Disclaimer: We don't own most of it… we'd like to… then we could be the richest crazy ladies in Australia… probably the richest ladies full stop in Australia!! But we don't own most of it… so we're not. We own Fran and Katie… and anything else you don't recognise… eg the plot!

Distribution Ask and ye might receive! Depending how nice we're feeling!

** Chapter One: We're HERE!**

Two giggling hyperactive girls are to be seen giving each other rides on the other's trolley, much to the dismay of the two owls, locked in their cages, which are perched precariously on the top of the pile of trunks, backpacks, and suspicious looking tall thin packages.

On the last push Fran fell off her trolley and Katie fell over after pushing too hard. They stand up double fast upon noticing two boys, one blonde, tall, toned and with grey eyes to be lost in and the other with black hair, toned, tall and with sparkling green eyes, both too immersed in bickering with each other to notice the two girls, much to said girl's annoyance, and so… a plan is hatched.

They unlike many before them have no problems entering the platform, both helping the other to haul their junk onto the train, carrying their owls into an empty carriage, taking turns at lookout duty for "The Sex Gods"

Franni, whose turn it was to be on lookout, squeaked as she saw Harry (the black haired god) approaching from one direction and Draco (the blonde sexy creature that he was) approaching from the other. She ran inside and both girls stripped their tops off and face the closed curtains, chatting merrily. Both boys jostling each other outside to enter the carriage first, neither winning, opening the door together and their jaws drop, also in unison.

Katie, turning around without blushing, laughs, despite the fact that she is only wearing a bra, and addresses the boys with, "Oh, Hi! Damn Franni we forgot to lock the door" laughing again at the looks on their faces. Draco looking very flushed in comparison to his pale skin and Harry appearing just as flushed despite his tan. Hermione's distinct voice calling from behind the stunned boys "HELLO?? What's the hold up?" Hermione's head then popped around the edge of the door and she sniggers and covers Ron's eyes… much to his annoyance, Herm then drags Ron, Harry and Draco away, laughing the whole time. Herm standing in the doorway and announcing "Right boys, shove off, this is a girls carriage now!"

"Malfoy" "Potter" are hissed at each other as the enemies pass one another. 

Herm enters the carriage, shuts the door and falls onto the seats laughing, "You girls are amazing, though, you try that on Ron and I will curse you from here to Australia" The three girls laugh at this and Fran replies for both herself and Katie, "Don't worry Herm, he's alllllll yours!"

With the staking out of territory done, the gossip session begins.

"So Katie and Fran other than flirting with the boys, what was the point of the stripping?" Herm asked

"Well we thought that instead of being rushed to change when we got close to Hogwarts, we could change into our robes now" Fran answered

"Plus the whole flirt with gorgeous guys thing came into play" Katie continued.

Both previously practically topless girls by now dressed in their plain black school robes.

"Sooo," Franni says "Wonder what house Katie and I will be in" mouthing the thought that had just crossed all their minds.

Katie sits down and laughs softly "The looks on their faces could be bottled and sold, you'd think that we were actually topless by the way they were reacting… we still had our bras on after all." *she grins evilly* "Franni it was fun… lets do it again!"

*they all falls back onto the seats laughing harder*Fran saying "Katie, you are so evil!" "I know… and it's so much fun!"

A hesitant knock on the door, Herm answers only to see Draco, Harry & Ron fighting to be at the door first. Ron sputtering out "Nearly there… oh, you're all ready"

Katie answering "Yes… that was the point of our changing in here earlier"

Harry and Draco peer in over Ron's shoulder to check on the girl's state of undress, with a "Damn" said in unison the boys are once more ushered from the carriage, for the gossip chain of three to deal with these new developments. Could Harry and Draco be interested in Fran and Katie… How could they not?? {add evil author's cackle here… MUAHAHAHAHAHA}

TBC

You like??? I did! Feedback… you know.. that little button just underneath this writing… I know you can do it…. Just press it… By the way… I'm a little bit pyromaniac… so I LOVE FLAMES!!! BRING EM ON!!!! (*little shy voice*… I'm lying here… please be nice!)


	2. Actually… Where are we?

Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN MOST OF IT… if you find a plot… we own that… but all else belongs to the genius that is JKR.

**Chapter Two: Actually… Where are we?**

The two new fifth years standing in the queue of petrified first years, in preparation to be sorted, Franni and Katie exchanged 'the look' and proceeded to terrorise the first years with talk of vampires, basilisks, trolls and practicing curses and counter-curses… all so that they could be ready for 'sorting' {A/N whaat? I like scaring little people} 

When the Sorting ceremony began the first years were glad to see that all they had to do was put on a hat. Of the devilish duo, Fran was the first to be sorted. The hat being placed on her heat and then saying "Well, what do we have here? You're brave, playful, loyal and foolhardy to boot. This isn't so hard, you'll do fine in GRIFFINDOR"

Next it was Katie's turn, she bounced forward, jamming the hat on her head "Oh my, I'm looking forward to hearing about your exploits, a large disregard for rules, ambition, brains and cunning, the only choice is SLYTHERIN"

Jumping up she joins her new house, *poking her tongue out at Fran who has by now reached her own new house*

Katie, turning to Draco on her left bursts out with; "Oh! You're the one who went all bug eyed on the train… Hi! I'm Katie and that" *points to her partner in crime* "is Fran." Katie shuts up as now the sorting is completed and Dumbledore invites Hogwarts to "Tuck In"

After the meal Dumbledore welcomes new students, reminds everyone that school IS for learning, Re-iterates the rules on the Forbidden Forest and lets everyone know that 'Canary Creams' have been added to the list of banned items, to be seen in full in Mr Filch's office, this last comment said with a twinkle in the eye for the Weasley twins, who are busy giving each other pats on the back for being the inventors of a now banned item. They still grin back at Dumbledore.

As everyone was leaving the Great Hall Katie ran to catch up with Franni; "They have a Forbidden Forest?? COOL! Gotta visit for a camping trip sometime" *Fran grinned back at Katie* "Oh the possibilities"

Katie follows Pansy and her friends to the Slytherin common rooms, through damp dark and dank dungeons {A/N gotta love alliteration… and it wasn't even on purpose} looking a little less confident without Franni. {A/N EEP *Krazy Kat is scaaaared* *Franni covers Kat's mouth* "Shuddup Kat you're recking the flow of the story" *Kat simply pouts*}

Katie arrives at a surprisingly comfortable common room, follows her fellow fifth year girls down a corridor to her new dorm. Running to the pile of stuff she recognises as her own, she decides to pack; this sentiment is ruined when she comes upon her favourite book… "Well, just five or ten minutes reading can't hurt" Katie attempts to justify herself. Soon she is immersed. Suddenly Pansy's voice pulls her out of her reverie with an "Oh Draco, What are you doing in here silly? Naughty boy!"

Draco brushes Pansy aside and comes and sits on Katie's bed, peering at the book she is pretending to still be interested in. 

"What's that you're reading luv?"

{A/N Kat here… can't help it… I have to write Draco to be like Spike, they look so alike and Spike is so sexy so Draco can't get insulted… *stops rambling*} 

"Sabriel by Garth Nix, for a Muggle he really isn't that bad" Malfoy then surprising her with the comment that he actually preferred Lirael… the sequel. And so they talked, much to dear Pansy's Horror, late into the night… {A/N *evil cackle* not only about books… MUAHAHAHA}

************

While Katie was settling nicely into her common room Fran was STILL trying to find hers. Well she had met a very lovely and gorgeous 7th Year boy from Ravenclaw and had started to flirt with him until she realised that her year group and the prefect were missing, so she quickly dashed off (but not without finding out that his name was William Farrell). Fourteen wrong turns and twenty minutes later she was looking adorably confused and was running franticly up a vast set of stairs when she made a sharp turn and crashed into someone.

"Crap I'm so sorry", she apologized sincerely as she helped the other person up. As soon as she saw his face she immediately know he was,

"You're the boy who walked on Katie and I getting changed!" she chirped quite cheekily. The boy blushed slightly as Fran giggled some more,

"I'm Franni by the way, well actually it's Francine Caulston but please don't call me Francine or I'll kick your ass, but that's not important. What's your name?"

"Um . . .Harry, Harry Potter" he added rather shyly. 

"Ooooh. So you're Harry Potter. Hmmm, gee you're a lot taller in real life".

"Thanks, I think. Say are you lost?"

Fran nodded and in an exaggerated tone exclaimed,

"God yes! I've been running up and down these stairs for twenty minutes, somehow I 'accidentally' made Professor Snape's hair turn fluoro green and I'm starting to think that the staircases are against me, they keep changing".

"They do that normally anyways", Harry interrupted politely before offering her his hand, "come on. The Griffindor common room is this way". She took his hand graciously (making sure she kept eye contact the whole time) as they walked up the stairs. Eventually they reached the Fat Lady.

"Password please?" the Fat Lady spoke with each letter accented with complete British proper ness.

Harry ran a hand through his bushy black hair for a moment, Fran being able then to see his scar clearly in view,

"Esselte Crumio"

The painting slowly creaked open revealing a hidden passage. Harry led Franni through the tunnel until they were inside the common room.

"There you are", a rather annoyed prefect glared at her "you must remember to keep up".

"Yeah yeah, don't get your knickers in a twist. I'm here aren't I?" She then proceeded to wink at Harry and walk to her dormitory. Ten minutes later the sounds of Jamiroquai and someone bouncing up and down could be heard. Harry sighed,

He had a feeling he wasn't going to be sleeping tonight, "course that wasn't a bad thing" he thought slyly as he eyed the latest addition to the house with interest.

TBC

A/N yet again… press the little happy review button … I know you can do it… just press!!!!!!!!


	3. So where to now?

Disclaimer: We still don't own it… plot, Fran and Katie are ours… everything else IS ALL MINE *maniac giggle from Kat* *Franni takes over the keyboard* I must apologise for the insane-ness… we don't own it… and Kat certainly doesn't!

Should have mentioned before *blah* denotes action "blah" denotes speech ^BLAH^ denotes yelling and ~blah~ denotes flashback… but I remembered to now… so I get brownie points for that don't I?

**Chapter Three: So where to now?**

And now… CLASS!

Unsurprisingly Griffindors and Slytherins are sharing classes, Much to Franni and Katies delight. The Mischief Makers of Oxford School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (for advanced students) re-united in fifth year… God Save Hogwarts!

Harry now had a Study Buddy in Franni and Draco had the same in Katie.

First up was Potions… of course, and the new banes of Snape's existence and the grease ball himself are about to be introduced.

A Note from Katie to Franni read:  
Sweetums, you're so gonna die… I've heard that Snape hates you Griffindors. *giggles* also heard that we Slytherins, bar Crabbe and Goyle *shudders* can do no wrong… hehehe! Lucky me! K

The reply read:

K, so where did you get such helpful information? I heard Slytherins are all mean and nasty. F

F. Silly, the one you have your eye one isn't bad at all, in fact he can be quite nice ;) K.

K. I so do not like anyone!!!!! F.

F, You can't hide it from me Hun, come on… it's me we're talking about here… It was so funny at breakfast though wasn't it? K.

~Flashback 7:30am Great Hall~

*Two girls run to each other, one from the Griffindor table yelling "^KATIE!!^" the other coming from the Slytherin table yelling "^FRANNI!!^" Running together and embracing, kissing each other on the cheeks, squealing things like "Darling ^I MISSED YOU!^" and then stopping with a loud "^WHOOPS!^" in unison and a finger pointed at the other with a hissed "^GRIFFINDOR^" and "^SLYTHERIN^" and poked out tongues emerge* 

Dumbledore choosing this moment to break up a scene which has become the centre of attention with an "A round of applause for our actress' and their lovely performance for us" *a round of applause occurs* *Franni and Katie both taking a bow*

~End Flashback~

K. *giggles* No comment! F.

Now unfortunately for Franni, this note passing was going on in Potions, and with Snape in charge, no Griffindor could get away with anything. You see… It's Murphy's Law. And as Snape's voice rang out with a call of "Miss Caulston, What is that ^NOTE^ you appear to be passing in my class? 10 points from Griffindor, and next time you get the urge to pass notes in my class… ^RESIST IT!!!^"

*Katie and Malfoy snigger* Malfoy whispering in Katie's ear "See!" Katie whispering back "It's nice not being in trouble for once" *Fran sticks tongue out and gives Snape a death glare*

TBC

DUM DUM DUM!!!! 

Feedback please… or our muse will run away through lack of appreciation!

Muahahahahaha

*Franni knocks Kat out and steals control of computer*

Just give us feedback and hope that will shut her up… otherwise she'll drive me crazier!


	4. Ladies and Gentlemen, THE CLINGING CHARM...

Disclaimer: Kat and I don't own at least 89% of this story. Sure we own the plot and our characters but really, when you put that into a percentage it's not that much is it?   
  
Remember folks, blah* denotes action "blah" denotes speech ^BLAH^ denotes yelling and ~blah~ denotes flashback. If you remember these notes we'll give you a can of dog food and a sticker. 

**Chapter Four: Ladies and Gentlemen, THE CLINGING CHARM!! **

After Professor Snape dismissed the class the Griffindors and Slytherins made their way to Charms. Katie and Fran purposely stayed back so that they could catch up on some well needed gossip. 

"Potions sucks ass" Fran declared angrily, her face scrunching up into a babyish pout. Katie laughed much to Fran's displease, 

"Honestly it's not that bad", Katie stated but Fran simply disagreed, 

"Well you're a SLYTHERIN! Of course you're gonna find it peachy keen, honkey dory! Snape turns a blind eye to his 'oh so' wondrous house!" 

Katie raised a perfectly arched eyebrow while Fran shrugged adding, 

"I'm angry, so sue me". 

The two dawdled the rest of the way to Charms, having a nice chitchat about Fran's 7th Year Ravenclaw admirer and Katie's latest plan to scare the first year's daylights out which involved chewing gum, a knife and twenty bottles of Tabasco. When they had entered the classroom Professor Flitwick still hadn't arrived. Katie and Fran hugged each other goodbye as they walked over to their respected groups, Franni sliding in an empty seat next to Hermione and Katie reluctantly sitting between Crabbe and Goyle. She glared at Pansy who had stolen her seat next to Draco. Draco looked at Katie and shrugged before Pansy blocked his view and Draco was forced to pay attention (A.N: Poor Draco, if I was him I would've turned Pansy into a toad!) 

Shortly after Professor Flitwick strolled into the class, Fran suddenly having to hide the grin creeping upon her face. Katie made a face (which quite resembled a mutilated fish), which made Fran suddenly break into laughter. 

"Good morning class, I'm Professor Flitwick, for you two new ones. Class, this is Francine Caulston and Katie Connor. Please make them feel welcome, they are from Oxford College of Witchcraft and Wizardry so you should all ask about what advanced charms they might have to teach us," Professor Flitwick's high twittering voice managing somehow to keep the class quiet through this speech, Hermione being the only one to look excited at the thought of advanced charms. "And now class I must dash off for a moment, Peeves has let a horde of angry pixies into the castle and I'm the best one to deal with them. Please be good in my absence." 

Shortly after Professor Flitwick exited the classroom, the room was filled with loud gossip and the sound of a particular Griffindor jumping up and down. 

"Oh oh! Advanced Charms, Fran you must tell me everything you know!" Hermione exclaimed excitedly tugging on Fran's robes. 

Draco gave a sly smirk, 

"With the way Granger is acting, you think she was getting some sort of sexual gratification from the idea". 

Fran, trying to contain her laughter, cast 'the look' in Katie's direction. Katie nodded rather cheekily and replied, 

"I'll take it from here Fran since charms if MY field of expertise. Well Herm, there is ONE charm that I think is essential to learn . . .THE CLINGING CHARM". 

"Oh god, not that freakin charm again," Fran groaned loudly. Katie glared at her, 

"And what's wrong with the Clinging Charm eh?" 

"It was cool the first three times," Fran sighed annoyingly, "but after the hundredth time of showing it one gets very bored very easily. I'm starting to think that charm is the only thing you ever learnt from Oxford". 

"Well I thought it *was* the most important charm I'll ever learn" *mutters quietly* "and I did learn other stuff… just it isn't as fun". 

"And pray tell, what makes it so important?" Draco called out causing Katie to smile at him superiorly, 

"Watch and learn Malfoy". Katie waved her wand around her as she chanted, 

"Adhaeresco!" 

The entire population of the room just looked on, jaws hanging wide open, as Katie's cloak and clothes suddenly clung to her body like second skin, revealing her *ahem* rather curvaceous figure. The tightness of the clothes also exaggerated the size of her *ahem* chest area. Fran's face cracked into a small smile as she watched on, particularly at Harry Potter's bug eyed expression, a small drop of drool streaming down his chin. 

"Now not only does this work on clothes as shown," Katie indicating to her clothes which made the boys ogle even more, "but it can also affect humans dramatically. Now I need two volunteers-"

The excessive screaming and hooting from two boys from opposite sides cut Katie off Katie smiled seeing who her 'guinea pigs' were going to be, 

"It's settled then Draco, Harry please come down". The two hormonally charged boys dashed down stoping abruptly next to Katie. Katie tried to keep a straight face as she continued to talk, 

"Now I need you two to stay completely still. The slightest move can ruin the whole charm, now one . . .two . . .three. ." 

"Adhaeresco!" Katie waved her wand around Draco and Harry, waiting for the results to happen. For a few seconds it seemed that the spell had gone wrong, then . . . 

"OH POTTER! Where have you been all my life?" Draco spun to Harry and embraced him rather lovingly. To everyone's surprise and horror Harry responded in the same manner, 

"My darling Draco, I've been hiding something from you, I love you!" 

Draco's eyes went wide as he gasped happily, 

"Oh my goodness, I thought you would never say that! I love you also! Let us make a pact my precious, that our love with survive the sands of time. That we will be soul mates, kindred spirits and lovers for the rest of our days!" 

"Oh Draco I wouldn't have it any other way!" The two boys embraced yet again, the whole class was in complete shock. Only Katie and Fran's laughter filled the room. 

"Can't-breath-HAHAHA! THEY'RE IN LOVE! AND IT'S SO FRICKIN HILARIOUS! I HAVE A WHOLE NEW RESPECT FOR THE CLINGING CHARM!!" Fran doubled up, her eyes on the brink of tears. Katie was in a similar state except she was rolling along the floor trying to stop herself having a stitch. Meanwhile, 

"Harry, I've never realized that your eyes, oh your eyes! They twinkle in the light like two emeralds against the blackness of the night". 

"But Draco my sweet, your lips are so red and rosy! Oh how I've dreamed of those lips!" 

Just then a third voice came into the conversation, 

"Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy! What in the heavens are you doing?" 

Katie looked up and gasped, Flitwick was standing at the door looking rather confused at the sight of Harry and Draco hugging and calling each other embarrassing pet names. Katie took out her wand and chanted the counter spell; "Fendere," and a few seconds later Draco and Harry stopped, looked at each other and screamed, 

"YAAAARRRGGGHHH!!" 

"^Potter, what in the bloody hell do you think you're doing^?" 

"^Me? You had your hand on my ARSE!^" 

The two boys quickly ran away from each other, trying to hide themselves from the rest of the class. Harry was in the foetal position rocking back and forth while Draco murmured as he wiped his hands furiously, 

"So dirty, so very very dirty!" 

"My Miss Connor, that was a very *ahem* interesting display of the Clinging Charm. Now class I want everyone to do a report on how the Clinging Charm works and it's side effects. No less than two scrolls and it shall be due next lesson, class can now be dismissed". 

The class felt in a hurry most likely to tell everyone the actions between Harry and Draco, supposed worst enemies. Hermione cast a look at Fran and Katie, 

**"How is that advanced?" **

Fran smirked winking at Harry, 

"It takes an advanced girl to actually get two guys to demonstrate it!" 

Much to the male populace of Hogwarts' delight, Katie kept the clinging charm going on her robes for the rest of the day. {A/N whaat? Girls have gotta have fun!!} 

TBC 

More coming and yes we are still insane 


	5. We're going on Boy hunt!

Disclaimer: In a perfect universe where chocolate grew on trees and it rained doughnuts, where I was married to Draco and Kat was married to Orlando then yes, we would own everything . . .but alas we do not live in that universe so we don't own anything expect this random plot and our characters.

Authors Note: This was written on a Thursday where Kat had exams and Franni had them the next week... we were kinda desperate for some breathing space... oh and we love weekends... *enough random babbling* STORY TIME!! *Kat sits on the floor and watches Franni type in fascination* OOOOHHH

*Kat adds in a new little doobywhatsis* +blah+ denotes thought

** Chapter Five: We're going on Boy hunt! **

"Whadda ya see?" Kat whispered curiously to Fran, who seemed very in touch with her cup of tealeaves. They were in the middle of Divination, which happened to be Fran's best subject. As everyone glanced down Fran replied,

"Hmm, Kat you've got an arrow . . .if I can remember I believe that means love is coming your way-"Fran started, but Kat interrupted squealing,

"YAH! I'M GONNA GET ME A MAN!"

"As I was saying", Fran continued, "I also see a sun. That symbolizes good fortune and prosperity and finally . . .a crow, an omen is in your mists, nothing to drastic though".

Katie sighed,

"You just had to ruin a nice cup with the crow huh?"

"That's what the cup says!"

"Franni, that's the most retarded thing I've ever heard".

"Your just jealous that you're not a true Seer" Fran haughtily retorted. Katie laughed,

"So "Miss Seer" is it my turn now?" Franni nodded and pushed the other teacup set to Katie. Katie peered into the teacup, then preceded to twist it one way then the other. After then squinting into it for five minutes she looked up and exclaimed,

"Ahh my dear... you are going to fall in love, WITH A PINK FUZZY ELEPHANT!" her terrible phony Russian accent making the words seem incoherent. 

"Katie," Fran giggled loudly, "you weren't supposed to mention Mr. Pantywuffles! Sides you're in love with Big Ted!" 

"Don't bring my teddy into this!" she shouted, her voice melodramatic. Seamus who had been watching this unusual spectacle unfold yelled across the room to Katie,

"Isn't that from a muggle TV show?"

"PLAY SCHOOL COPIED IT OFF ME!" Katie proclaimed loudly, her voice seething with anger, though the look in her eyes gave her away. She muttered "I called muh teddie that before I ever saw Play school… so nobody copied anybody!" Professor Trelawney meanwhile did not look amused.

"Please Miss Connor, you are disturbing the psychic energies," She said as she fiddled with the numerous amount of bangles on her wrists. Ignoring Trelawney's comment Katie skipped over and looking in Harry's teacup predicted again in the terrible Russian accent,

"Oh Harry, I see omens in your future. Your death will be caused by a deadly disease spread by kissing… DRACO!" The whole class broke into laughter at Katie's comment. Finally the laughter got too much for Professor Trelawney and in an attempt to silence the class she screamed, 

"Miss Connor!"

The class went silent as she continued,

"Because of your behaviour the energies are disturbed too much for any more predicting, class dismissed". Applause filled the room as the entire class exited quickly down the ladder. As Fran was about to leave Trelawney stopped her and smiled happily,

"I'm glad I can at least expect one true Seer in my class. Nice work today Miss Caulston".

Fran said goodbye and made her way down the ladder. When she reached the bottom Katie greeted her with the touching phrase,

"Teacher's Pet".

"Aw shut up Katie!" Fran pouted as the two girls laughed and skipped all the way to History of Magic.

*****************

{A/N *Kat steals keyboard and forces Franni to sit cross legged and watch*}

*Katie grabs Fran and drags her to a seat in the back of the class*

Katie turns to Fran and says, "So who did you want the cup to predict you to end up with hey???" *giggles* "not that I can't guess…" *does the Russian accent again* "I foretell that he is blonde, grey eyed, part of something silver and green and forbidden because of it."

*Katie then proceeds to fall off her chair laughing at herself*

Katie whispers to Fran, "he's looking at you right now!" *Franni blushes* whispers back "he is?" "yes, now flirt!" "yes m'am"

*Katie doing a mild version of the clinging charm on Franni's robes* whispers "I decided that your clothes dropping off as ashes might be a little embarrassing, so I did the charm for you, and I did a mild version cos I thought you wouldn't want it to be so obvious as I like mine to be" 

*Franni then dropping her pencil from the desk* and since Draco's desk was next to hers it was only natural that she ask Draco to pick it up for her. "Draco darling, would you?" *Draco's eyes as he brings the pencil up are glued to Franni*

Katie whispering loudly to Draco "Draco sweetie, if you don't take your eyes off Franni soon you will" *thunk was the noise that resounded through the room as Draco's head thumped the bottom of Franni's desk* "hurt yourself" Katie now finished her sentence. The groans and moans being emitted from Draco's mouth allowing Katie the infinite joy of whispering, again in a stage whisper "Too Late!" 

*Franni then taking the pencil from Draco's hand* "Thank you… and are you ok?" *Franni not being able to help herself from giggling* *Franni running a hand through Draco's hair, making sure there isn't a bruise*

(Draco's thoughts) +must not be seduced by a Griffindor, must not be seduced by a Griffindor, must not....oh screw this!+

*Draco then taking Franni's hand into his and kissing it lightly* "It's all better now, Thank you Fran"

Before Franni's blush can develop as is inevitable Professor Binns' voice ringing out with "You two young ladies in the back… you've not been quiet all lesson, I'm afraid I'm going to have to separate you." *Franni and Katie cling exaggeratedly together and with a loud 'NOOOOOOO!' end up moving* *Franni next to Harry and Katie next to Draco* *Franni gives Katie death glare in jealousy, then giggles and forgives her* 

*Katie plonking down next to Draco, mussing up his hair* and asking "Soo, got a thing for the Griffindor aye?" 

*Draco shaking his head* "NO!" *but his blush and smirk belying his words*

Meanwhile over at Harry and Franni's desk.

"Sooo… do you like Katie?" Franni interrogated the poor boy 

"What? As a friend?" Harry nervously replied.

"Ohhh, Katie is gonna be pissed that you asked that, she hates it when people misunderstand her intentions, they are clear and simple, Guys, love, fun, flirting and friends" *Franni giggles*

Professor Binns' voice rang out yet again "^LADIES PLEASE!^ It was enough that you distracted each other, but now you are distracting other people, right… if it comes to this; You… Miss ……" *points at Katie* "Connor" Franni supplied *Katie giving Fran the death glare* "move next to Mr ……" *points at Harry* "^POTTER^" the class yells *Katie gives Harry a predatory grin* "thank you class but only one person answering was necessary, and you, Miss ……" *points at Franni* "Caulston" Katie helpfully suggested *Franni returns death glare* "you sit next to Mr ……" *points at Draco* *Franni losing her pout and death glare to get a large grin* Draco piping out with "Yes, we get the idea, you want them to swap, it would have been much easier if you had just said so"

*Katie discreetly doing the clinging charm on her robes as she moved to sit next to Harry* she is still grinning at Harry and he is feeling a little nervous. *Franni walking over to Draco and feeling very happy about the discreet clinging charm on her own robes* "So Draco, what fun activity can you suggest for a few of us to do this weekend" Franni asked as soon as she sat down. *Professor Binns giving up and going back to his droning* 

A Note passed from Katie to Franni:

F. Must catch up this weekend, I've missed my Snuffleufagus! We should go for a camping trip to the forbidden forest. You bring the marshmallows and lanterns, I'll 'borrow' Draco's tent, it's all cool inside and magically enhanced. Meet you at Hagrid's Hut at 10 tomorrow morning. K.

K. See you there Elmo! F.

TBC.

Authors Note: Everyone feel free to give reviews , if you do I'll even give you a chocolate! 


	6. Into the Forbidden Forest We Go!

Disclaimer: *Kat no longer believes in Santa*. all because he didn't give her ownership to Harry Potter and the gang. Fran doesn't believe in the tooth fairy cause she stole all of her teeth.  
  
{}-brackets mean author's notes and [ ]- mean translations.

A/N: This is a REALLY REALLY REALLY fluffy chapter! But we have to establish the couples so meh!! And Kat got stood up by two guys in two days. they were just friends but that doesn't mean she still doesn't feel like sh*t. So this is Kat's equivalent of 'Retail Therapy' Note: Arwen, Aragorn and Legolas are all the same age, about 22 at the time of the fic, and have grown up together. come on. its only natural. Arwen is daughter of the Lord of the High Elves, Legolas is Prince of Mirkwood and Aragorn is the true king. And if you don't like it. TOUGH!!!!!  
  
Chapter Six: Into the Forbidden Forest We Go!  
  
*Katie woke up, smiling slightly at the thought of the fun planned. THE CAMPING TRIP*  
  
*Katie then opens her eyes*, upon seeing a face right up against hers, she does the only sane and normal thing to do. she screams "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! WHAT THE F*CK???"  
  
Franni falls sideways, unfortunately not onto the bed but onto the floor, she then attempts to look innocent of Katie's abrupt wakeup, unsuccessfully.  
  
Since that plan failed she instead tried to wax indignant at being pushed off the bed, grabbing a pillow she thwacks Katie over the head with her own pillow, with a "THAT'S FOR KNOCKING ME OFF YOUR BED" *thwack* "AND THAT'S FOR. ummmm. BEING IN SLYTHERIN" *thwack* "AND THAT'S FOR STEALING MY CLOTHES ALL THE TIME!" *thwack* "AND THAT'S FOR BEING A FLIRT" and since Franni had run out of anything else to punish Katie for, she scampers out of the room giggling and holding a towel, her voice floating back to Katie saying "I'm just gonna have a quick shower before we go camping" *at this Katie grins evilly*  
  
-Later-  
  
"Katie Mya Connor! OPEN THIS DOOR NOW! I'M FREEZING MY ASS OFF HERE!!!" She banged on the door again, making sure her towel didn't slip from around her chest. But still Katie didn't open the door.  
  
"I could use the Alohomora charm," Fran thought hopefully, but that was shattered when she remembered, "but the last time I tried that the door turned pink and fluffy and all the furniture went missing in the black hole that suddenly appeared". Fran thought for a moment, trying to devise a plan to get her clothes back. Ten minutes later she was back to beating the door with her fists of fury (she had given up on the thinking aspect).  
  
"Come on Katie, it's cold! I'm going to get hypothermia!! You don't want that to happen to me do you?"  
  
~Silence~  
  
"KATIE! STOP BEING A BLOODY PRAT AND LET ME IT!" Fran kicked the door in a fit of rage, and then realizing the door was in fact, very hard, yelped in pain as she hopped up and down. While this was all happening Fran didn't seem to notice a certain blond haired Slytherin enter the room, He strode right past Fran, but then stopped and looked straight at her. He couldn't believe it:  
  
(Draco's thoughts) + The dark lord must be rewarding me . . .yes that must be it+  
  
The Caulston girl,  
  
In his Common Room,  
  
Only wearing a small +make that miniscule+ blue towel!  
  
He could still see the small droplets of water trickle down her back slowly, her light amber shoulder length hair clinging to her neck. Using his stealth, he slowly crept behind her. He was surprised by the fact she STILL hadn't noticed him yet (he guessed one of the stupid characteristics of being a Griffindor). Finally he was right behind her, he could smell a faint smell of frangipannis off her. He leant over and slowly whispered in her ear,  
  
"My my, isn't it a little early for skinny dipping?"  
  
Fran squeaked and twirled around suddenly coming face to face with a very cocky looking Malfoy.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" she demanded, her arms hugging her body to cover any indecent exposure from him. Malfoy gave her a coy smile, gently brushing a small tendril of hair from her face,  
  
"I was about to ask you the same thing", he checked her out quickly, causing Fran to blush heavily, before adding, "Miss Caulston, may I ask what you're doing here?  
  
The blush on her cheeks stood out against her caramel skin, and then very rapidly she explained,  
  
"WellKatieandIweregoingtohaveacampingtriptodayandIcameearlytostartpackingand sinceitwasearlyIdecidedtohaveashowerherebutasIwascomingoutKatielockedmeoutwi thoutanyoftheclothesandI'mreallycoldand oh god I'm babbling aren't I?"  
  
Draco (who hadn't heard a word she had said) simply leant down and pressed his lips against hers. Shock overtook her body, she had DEFINIETLY not expected this. But as she felt his arms wrap around her waist, a sense of ease filled her body and she kissed him back more firmly.  
  
~Moments Later~  
  
*Katie opening the door and grinning*  
  
*Peeping out*  
  
*Doing the clichéd "EH HEM!" *  
  
*Draco and Franni springing apart in a most comical manner*  
  
"So, we have two choices here," Katie said, "either a) I let Franni in or b) cast a locking and soundproofing charm on the door and let you two 'work things out'"  
  
*Franni blushed flaming red and Draco looked flushed*  
  
"Well I'm taking that as option a)"  
  
*Katie opens the door wider and Franni runs in*  
  
*Draco looking slightly hurt*  
  
"Don't you worry Draco, she's just shy, she does like you, and you and me together can fix the shy thing"  
  
*Draco nodded and Katie continued to speak,  
  
"So Draco, you know your really cool magically enhanced tent?"  
  
*Draco nods apprehensively*  
  
"Weeeeell, Franni and I want to borrow it. because we want to go on a camping trip for the weekend."  
  
*Draco still looks suspicious*  
  
"Where, near Hogwarts, would you go camping. if I might ask" Draco inquires  
  
A sound remarkably like "miblewimble" escapes Katie's mouth.  
  
(Draco's thoughts) +AH HA! Just as I thought, she's hiding something+  
  
*An evil grin comes upon Draco's face and he prepares to tickle torture it out of her*  
  
"I didn't hear you Katie, now you wouldn't be hiding anything from me would you?" Draco began to question his fellow Slytherin.  
  
"Me? Hiding something? NEVER!" Katie hedged.  
  
"Now Katie, for some reason I don't believe you. What are you up to?" Draco pushed further, trying to push her buttons He edges closer, his hands ready to for an onslaught tickle attack, when Katie crouched, tucking her legs against her chest and surrendered. Draco gives an arrogant grin as he puts his hands back behind his back.  
  
"Where are you and Fran going?" he asks again.  
  
*Katie's voice is now barely audible but now clear enough to be heard* "we are going to go camping in the forbidden forest"  
  
Draco, upon hearing this goes pale {A/N is that possible?} "YOU'RE WHAT?"  
  
"Wellitsoundedinterestingandwereallywantedtoseewhyitsforbiddenand it sounded cool" Katie reverted to the safety of babbling.  
  
Surprisingly Draco agreed to Katie and Franni borrowing his tent, with the condition that he could come too, Katie on the other hand unsurprisingly agreed. she wanted her adventure!  
  
**************  
  
~Later that day, in the Forbidden Forest~  
  
"We there yet?" Fran asked annoyingly for the seventh time, causing Katie's eye to twitch repeatedly  
  
"No Fran, like I said two minutes ago . . . .We-are not-THERE YET!"  
  
"Geez, no need to get snippy. My body's not made for hiking uphill," Fran complained, making sure she avoided stubbing her toe on a nearby rock.  
  
"From where I'm standing whoever made your body was certainly doing SOMETHING right!" Draco catcalled from behind. Fran blushed,  
  
"Katie! Why's he here?"  
  
Katie sighed,  
  
"I explained this already. I was only allowed the tent if he could come along. Honestly Fran I thought you would have been more happy".  
  
"But, but, the sexual tension!" she whispered hoarsely. Katie smirked at his moment screaming back to Draco,  
  
"DRACO! THERE'S SEXUAL TENSION!!!" Draco eyes brightened as he laughed at the top of his lungs at Katie's comment.  
  
"KATIE! SHUT UP!!"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
Fran stuck her tongue out. Katie sighed heavily,  
  
"You like him, it's so obvious. You get all giddy and happy when he's around; you've practically scribbled, 'Mrs Fran Malfoy' all over your Potions book and you blush heaps! JUST TELL HIM THAT YOU WANT HIM BAD!!"  
  
Fran, finally lost it and screamed,  
  
"FINE! I LIKE HIM! OK? I ABSOLUTLY F*CKING LIKE HIM A LOT! I THINK HE'S THE HOTTEST, SEXIEST, MOST CHARMING GUY IN THE WHOLE OF FREAKING HOGWARTS! HAPPY KATIE? HAPPY? I *whoa*!" Franni suddenly tripped over something causing her to do a very unflattering somersault in the air. She collapsed onto the ground, her hair covered with fallen leaves. Draco ran over and helped her up. Fran glared at him, his face was complete with a very conceited smirk and it looked like he was about to collapse with laughter at any minute.  
  
"One word Malfoy, one word!" she threatened. But then her face lightened up at the sight of a very uncute, very large, menacing shaggy black dog.  
  
"OMG! IT'S SO CUTE!!" she ran up and hugged it, the poor dog, who was now looking very scared and confused. Draco raised an eyebrow at Katie,  
  
"Her mum won't let her get a dog and her dad's allergic," she answered, being able to read the look on his face. Suddenly she heard a faint sound in the distance, it was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. Wherever it was coming from she had to find out.  
  
"Draco I'll be back. You and Fran can set camp here, and please don't do anything unappropriated in my part of the tent while I'm gone. I need to be able to sleep there without being grossed out, so do it in your own area" she added, Draco looked down, trying to hide the blush spreading across his face. Fran meanwhile wast too interested playing "makeover" with the dog, much to its horror.  
  
**************  
  
Katie made her way through the treacherous forest, navigating her way through the many bushes and trees that stood in her way. Finally ducking underneath an above tree branch, she got a clear view of a man sitting on a rock playing a flute. Not just any man, a simply gorgeous, heavenly guy with long golden hair and alabaster skin.  
  
+Yah! Number 3034 on my thing to do before I die, meet absolutely gorgeous flute playing guy in middle of woods!+ Katie wanting to take a closer look tried to creep closer, but the guy perked his head up, the tune from the flute stopping abruptly.  
  
"Who's there?" he called out angrily "Show yourself." Katie slowly creped out of her hiding stop, as soon as the man saw her he withdrew his bow at the sight that his visitor was a girl (and a rather good-looking one at that).  
  
"Quel re [Good day]" he called out to her happily. Katie meanwhile looked at him absolutely confused. Confused himself he spoke again,  
  
"Lle rangwa amin? [Do you understand me?]" Katie shrugged at him looking very confused. The man sighed,  
  
"Lle quena i'lambe tel' Eldalie? [Do you speak elvish?]" Katie shook her head at him saying very slowly,  
  
"I-don't-know-what-you-are-saying". The man chuckled lightly as he spoke this time in English,  
  
"I'm sorry, for a moment I mistook you for an Elf like myself. I'm Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. And who would you be?"  
  
Shocked by how proper he was, Katie shyly replied,  
  
"I'm Katie Connor, Mischief maker of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft".  
  
"Wizardry?" Legolas looked impressed, "then surely you have heard of Gandalf the White".  
  
"Gandalf who?" she replied back. Legoals sighed,  
  
"Never mind. Tell me Katie Connor, what are you doing in these parts of the woods?"  
  
"Would you believe me if I said I was camping with my friends here?" she laughed taking Legolas by surprise,  
  
"Camping? That seems a little unusual"  
  
"Yeah well I'm a pretty unusual girl" she retorted back playfully. Legolas grinned at her,  
  
"Come sit. I won't bite". +Or at least not till I know you better+ Katie beamed as she skipped over and sat next to the blond haired wonder. She looked up at him (he was a few inches taller than she was) and smiled,  
  
"You're not from around here are you?"  
  
"You could say that", he said, "I was riding on my way to Rivindell to visit friends when I was attacked by an Orc. I managed to lose him by riding through the forest but I suspect he is close by. Stupid thing really, almost crashed into a tree".  
  
Katie giggled,  
  
"Now that would've been funny. Orcs? I think I've heard of them. They're like trolls right?"  
  
"Pretty much, expect uglier, stupider and meaner" he grinned; "though this would be a perfect description of my friend Estel {A/N Aragorn to you non- LotR diehards} actually," he joked {A/N NOTE THE JOKED. THIS IS NOT MY OPINION, NOR IS IT FRAN'S!}. Katie laughed, playfully slapping him on the arm,  
  
"That's so mean!"  
  
"Yeah well, it's true" he smirked cheekily, "so tell me Katie, why would you and your friends consider camping here of all places?"  
  
"Weeell", she started off, "it's forbidden, that adds to the whole appeal thing. Also this gives a prefect opportunity for my two friends to work out their feelings and get it on; it's been going on for way too long".  
  
Legolas laughed at this comment,  
  
"Sounds like me when I tried to hook Estel up with his crush Arwen. Took forever. I mean there was the fact that he was human and she was the daughter of Elrond, Lord of the High Elves of Rivindell, and the fact that they were both so shy, it was sickening when they finally did though, sop and sap galore!".  
  
Katie scooted closer to him remembering:  
  
Katie's thoughts: +Number 3035 on to-do list, kiss him till he can't see straight! +  
  
Their eyes meeting in a comfortable silence, gazes locking on one another, an even deeper silence falling upon the pair, before the silence became unbearable "Lle naa vanima (you are beautiful)" his voice husky. Katie felt herself leaning forward, seeing him to do the same, something in him calling to something deep in her. Their lips meeting in what felt to be fireworks, both losing and focus or link to the outside world, eyes still open and gazing into the depths of each other's eyes.  
  
Katie looked up into his deep sapphire eyes and smiled,  
  
"I have no clue what yo just said but I'm guessing it was a complement" and with that he pulled Katie into his arms, holding her securely and kissed her softly on the lips again.  
  
***********  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
"Fran, I don't think dogs are supposed to be hot pink" he smirked at her. Fran cocked her head to the side,  
  
"I dunno, I think it's an improvement on what he looked like before". The now pink dog lay next to the tent, if it wasn't human Draco would've sworn it was giving them the death glare when it wasn't pouting *draco shook himself* (Draco's thoughts) +Pouting??? Death Glares???? Draco my dear boy, stop hanging about with Crabbe and Goyle, they are affecting your brain capacity+.  
  
"I'm gonna go for a swim", Fran announced taking her white t shirt off revealing a pink Hawaiian print bikini, "wanna come?"  
  
Draco looked at her oddly,  
  
"Caulston this is Scotland!" he reminded. Fran shrugged,  
  
"Hasn't stopped me before". Draco studied her closely. Then it hit him,  
  
(Draco's thoughts): +Oh god, there could be a chance that you actually really like this girl and this isn't just some one night stand thing . . .crap!+  
  
"Fran?"  
  
Fran looked up at him, her hazel eyes twinkling in the sunlight,  
  
"Yeah what Malfoy?"  
  
"About earlier, all that stuff you said. Was that true?"  
  
Fran blushed and looked away embarrassed,  
  
"Kinda, maybe, sorta . . . yes".  
  
Draco grinned as if he had caught the Snitch before Potter,  
  
"Even the bit about me being the hottest, sexiest, most charming-"  
  
"YES EVEN THAT!" she yelled in humiliation, "please doesn't rub it in. We don't need your ego taking up even more space". Fran looked up to see Draco looking contentedly at her, with his trademark smirk on his face.  
  
"What?" she insisted, slowly feeling uncomfortable.  
  
"You don't have any clue how sexy you look when you get all angry and pouty at me do you?"  
  
"Oh god, No! No! You can't do this!! YOU'VE STOLEN MY ONLY DEFENCE AGAINST YOU!" Draco laughed at her light-heartedly, Fran scowled at him,  
  
"Listen Malfoy! Maybe before today I 'might've' been interested in you. But now I see what the rest of the Griffindors see! You're nothing but a selfish, bigheaded, arrogant, cruel, deceitful, lazy-"  
  
Fran was cut off as Draco planted a fiery kiss on her lips. Quickly Fran forgot what she had just said as she pulled on his collar, beckoning him closer to her. The dog looked at them oddly before lying back down, seeming to almost mutter something to itself, something which sounded a lot like "kids".  
  
"What was that?" Fran broke away from Draco, who looked rather annoyed by the sudden interruption. Then a loud howl was heard east of where they were standing.  
  
"Draco, Katie! She might be in danger!!" Fran cried. Draco soon reacted taking Fran by the hand and leading her up the rocky slope following where Katie had gone. The dog, also go up and followed then as if wondering what all the commotion was all about.  
  
****************  
  
Katie and Legolas also continently broke apart, Legolas springing up and immediately standing in the defence stance.  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
"Shhh", he told her inaudibly, his eyes circling the perimeter. Something ran past some bushes, causing a loud rustle. Then something jumped out,  
  
"KATIE!" Legolas jumped and pushed the Orc out of the way, protecting Katie. Katie screamed as Legolas took out his bow and fired several arrows at the Orc. The Orc threw out his giant wooden club and  
  
*THWACK*  
  
Legolas flew through the air, into a tree and then sliding onto the groud, unconscious.  
  
"Shit" was all Katie had time to say before she was into the fray. Drawing her wand she pointed it at the Orc "EXPELLIARMUS!" Suddenly a large group of weapons are flying towards Katie from the Orc she has just disarmed "Double Shit!" Jumping back she narrowly avoids the flying weapons and casts another spell "Wingardium Leviosa" *the orc now hovering 4 feet in the air, struggling quite fiercely* "SHIT!! FRANNI. DRACO. HELP RIGHT NOW WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED!!!"  
  
At that point Draco and Fran decide to hurry faster.  
  
"LEVITATING THIS BRAINLESS UGLY BRUTE IS REALLY NOT ON MY TO DO LIST. I HAVE MANY THINGS ON MY TO DO LIST. AND THIS JUST AINT ONE OF THEM!" Katie by this point is not happy.  
  
"ME NOT STOOPID! ME NOT UUUGLY!" The Orc at this point has something to say for himself.  
  
*Three voices then calling in unison* "STUPEFY" *the Orc twitching for a moment, eyes rolling to the back of its head, twitching further then falling unconscious. still twitching* a soft voice whispering "Well that was overkill" *the three students jumping at the obviously adult voice* *Draco spinning around and staring at the hot pink dog* *then pointing at it* "THAT. THING. TALKED!!! Again!" *the dog then appears completely innocent to this charge, a difficult look to achieve for a dog, especially when it is coloured hot pink*  
  
Matching AWWWWWWWWWWW's are heard to come from Katie and Fran, Fran FINALLY deciding on the name Snuffles for the dog.  
  
-Later-  
  
After healing Legolas, Fran is to be found in one of the many rooms in the magically enhanced tent with the dog kept prisoner with her, she then calls to Katie, who is in a room with Legolas on a bed and Draco sitting beside her and talking to her since Legolas was doing a credible impression of sleeping beauty, "Hun. Can I borrow your violet fluffy flashing bow for Snuffles????" At this a loud howl is heard from the aforementioned dog and Draco looks freaked, "By the way that poor creature is reacting to Fran's plans for him you'd think that he could understand!" Draco said to Katie before taking the gaudy bow to Fran's room, leaving Katie to test whether Legolas was like sleeping beauty in fact. (Katie's thoughts) +His lips look so cute pouted up like that, and it is in a good cause+ By this time she is leant over Legolas, *Gently she presses her lips to his and his eyes open* *Joining her in the kiss*  
  
Draco meanwhile is engaged in the same with Fran, Snuffles looking on, happy that the bow lies now discarded and forgotten under the bed {Snuffles' thoughts}+Now, once they are asleep I'm going to knaw that thing out of existance+.  
  
TBC  
  
A.N: Hey peoples!! This is a really fluffy chapter huh? Well next chapter will be less fluffy but funnier, like ha ha funny, not sad/strange funny!! Lol, nah but not too much . . . I think . . . (Kat smacks Fran outta way) Kat here, I think I feel like a bit of smut, yes, yes (Fran runs over and smacks Kat in the head with a frying pan) *THWACK!* All right, all right. So I'll let the first date occur!! (Fran hits Kat outta way) Franni again in the hotseat! Oh, I better go before Kat screams and kills our friend cause she likes "angsty depressed music"  
  
Franni again; if any of you wish to know how this exceedingly long chapter came about. Kat made a deal with the muse, he helps in return for her kissing him *shudders* they're at it right now under the computer desk in return for this wonderful and long chapter. I will not remember anything of this conversation in any point in the future. its just waaaay too traumatising.


	7. The Small Insert that should tide you ov...

Disclaimer: We still don't own Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, Franni and Katie are still ours, as is the plot, though we will not admit to plans to kidnapping Draco and Legolas.  
  
**The Small Insert that should tide you over til Chapter 7: AAAAND SOME COMEDIC RELIEF!  
  
Malfoys + Macarena= NON MIXYNESS (or so says Lucius)  
**  
Lucius Malfoy was making his yearly visit to Hogwarts (mainly to find out ways to get rid of Dumbledore). He had just finished his meeting with the mage and was disappointed to not find out any dirt on him. Lucius stormed down the corridor, his mind hatching evil plans to blackmail Albus as well as DESTROY ALL MUDBLOODS! He turned a corner to be greeted with the entrance of the Slytherin common room. Lucius leered smugly, he needed to 'check' up on Draco anyways, and find out if Draco had any insider information for him.  
  
As Lucius walked in to the Slytherin common room, he was slightly traumatized to see Katie, Franni, Draco, Legolas (who by this time knew most modern things) Harry, Hermione, Ron and Blaise all doing the Macarena, his chin dropping to his chest he manages to sputter out  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"  
  
Franni answered him innocently with "The Macarena of course, if you don't know it I can teach you of course, we, well Katie to be precise, already taught it to Legolas. We were doing the Nutbush but Katie didn't know it and suggested the Macarena"  
  
"MALFOYS DO NOT DO THE MACARENA" Lucius barked, this comment directly pointed at Draco who immediately stopped dancing.  
  
Katie now adding in her ten Knuts by answering "Oh, alright then" *she then waved her wand at the magical sound system and the music changed*  
  
"KETCHUP SONG TIME!"  
  
Lucius finding it prudent to garner his escape,  
  
"SON, I WILL BE SEEING YOU AT CHRISTMAS!"  
  
************  
  
**Katie and Franni + Golf= NON MIXYNESS (and this one is actually proven)  
**  
Now Fran and Katie love golf, that's not the problem, and their enthusiasm is renown, BUT there are rules in wizard golf that just don't get abided by when Franni and Katie pick up a club and get ready to play. for example the rule about no Wingardium Leviosa? Broken by Katie at the sight of the first water hazard (Franni would have broken it too but since class time with Flitwick, with the revision of the charm. she thought it best to just let her ball sink in the water, that being the lesser of two evils)  
  
Katie hits the ball, watching it soar through the air, watching its trajectory towards Franni and yells "DUCK!"  
  
Franni being an experienced golfer looks around to see the obviously rare breed of duck "Where?? WHERE???" *thwack* the ball makes impact with its intended target, who whereupon falls down unconscious.  
  
"Shit!" Katie runs over to Franni, then noticing where her ball is "OOOH! I GOT IT IN THE HOLE!!!!!!!!" then remembering Franni again, waking her up.  
  
"Duck. Duck. DUCK?" Fran yelled, very pissed off, "THERE WAS NO GODDAMNED DUCK! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO YELL 'FORE!' Because seriously, 'Duck!' while golfing indicates that there is a duck, as in QUACK! 'FORE!' however, means that one should get down on hands and knees and WATCH OUT!"  
  
Katie breaking in at this point in Franni's rant to say "I'm sorry, but I always forget the 'FORE!' thing, and Franni, what gets you on your hands and knees should stay between Draco and you alone! No more attacking with the TMI Monster!" {A/N TMI= Too Much Information for those who don't know}  
  
Franni's face turned a remarkable shade of maroon, Harry opening his mouth to inform Franni of the rapidly growing lump on her head. Franni however, refused to let him even start,  
  
"YES POTTER, I KNOW THAT I HAVE A BUMP ON MY HEAD, SHALL I PUT A CONDOM ON IT TO MAKE IT ALL THE MORE OBVIOUS???" Franni by this point is screaming while Harry is looking like a stuck pig. *Katie being given death glares by Fran*  
  
{A/N: See what we mean??? Major non-mixyness. And now, Franni's obsession with ducks is explained!}  
  
*A newly healed Franni (by Katie) is now forced to sit down by a scared Harry and hysterical Katie*  
  
"It's just that when I was first learning golf I hit the ball, yelled Fore, and hit a duck with the ball, everybody got angry at me for hitting a poor innocent duck. and it wasn't as if I hadn't warned anybody in the area" *she breaks down into tears and Harry and Katie stare petrified at her*  
  
{A/N and the completeness of the non mixynes is explained!}  
  
AND THAT'S A WRAP!!!  
  
A.N: *Kat shoved off keyboard, rubbing her poor sore fingers, Franni then sits at keyboard* See this was random. Most of these events have actually happen to us! The dancing-yep that happened. The duck getting hit by golf ball, yep that happened again (Sozzie duck!) And the whole thing about the condom on head-yeah that happened also. My friend was being shirty at me so I told her "while you're sleeping you wait, your gonna wake up with a condom attached to your head!" and that's how it all started! Oh btw, press the magic button and review, the more feedback, the faster the chapters will come. Oh and chapter 7 is gonna be fluffy again, but more comedy still to come!! Lol! ta ta!


	8. Insert Witty Chapter Name Here!

Disclaimer: we don't own most of it at this point in time, Kat pawned our ownership of Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings for a box of animal crackers and a cup of Rasberry and Peach Tea (my new addiction) We WILL be getting it back as soon as possible. or sooner.  
  
{A/N: *Kat here* I will give you some explanation of my part of this chapter, A) three hour French exam and B) hungry so ate 5 roll-ups and a lollipop and am now on a sugar high!}  
  
**Chapter Seven: "Insert Witty Chapter Name Here!"  
**  
"Sweetheart, we have to work out how and why you are here. not that I am complaining" *Katie's eyes looked the elf up and down* +oh no siree!+ "but if we know how they got you here, we can keep you from having to go back" Katie using her own particular brand of logic.  
  
*Katie then bouncing off to find books on Inter-dimensional travel, as she passed Legolas with the book on the way back to her chair she feels an arm crawling around her waist and is suddenly pulled onto Legolas' lap* *giggling she accepts the change of seat and prepares to concentrate*, but her eyes keep catching on the corner of his and soon she finds herself straddling his legs while facing him, her emerald eyes captured by his azure ones and her lips rapidly descending upon his.  
  
*their lips locking intensely*  
  
*Draco and Franni walking in about two minutes later to see them still at it, breaking occasionally for air*  
  
"Oh god, not again" Draco says before dragging Fran back out of the library. *Katie and Legolas not bothering to even look at them or stop kissing, just shrugging and continuing*  
  
(A/N: Franni here, I'm sorry but I was in a really lovey dovey mood when I wrote this, oh god it's so fluffy! But meh, I like fluff it's so cute! GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?)  
  
While things were certainly heating up between Katie and Legolas, Draco and Franni were having trouble even trying to see each other! They still hadn't gone on their first date, which was due to the fact that they didn't (well Fran didn't) want to cause a full fledge war between the Griffindors and the Slytherins.  
  
"What about the Three Broomsticks? We could sneak to a table at the back," Fran suggested, while she curled up against her Slytherin beau. The two lovebirds were now up in the Astronomy Tower juggling idea for possible meeting spots. Draco looked down at her and shook his head saying,  
  
"Too risky. There's still the chance we could be seen. We really need a place more secluded . . .I dunno like a cave in Antarctica or something".  
  
"Are you ashamed of us or something, or me in that matter?" Fran's rather blunt questioned took Draco by surprise,  
  
"Course not. It has nothing to do with us, trust me. And it certainly has nothing to do with you. This whole predicament is because of "them", said rather harshly, "Our fellow dim-witted classmates. In their eyes a Griffindor and a Slytherin, hell a Slytherin associated with anyone but their own is highly frowned upon. Especially by other Slytherins, sides we're evil . . . we shouldn't be trusted".  
  
"I trust you", Fran whispered softly in his ear (A.N: god this is getting cheesy, but MEH! Deal with it!) She snuggled in closer, allowing Draco to his her forehead before she rested her head against his shoulder. As he wrapped an arm around her she smirked at him daringly,  
  
"Katie's gonna be wondering where we are".  
  
"I doubt it", he sniggered lightly to himself, "Since you seem to have forgotten the exceedingly disturbing sight we saw about 20 minutes ago, she's having her daily snog session with elf boy in the library. I doubt she'll be wondering where we are, I also doubt that she'll be thinking" He smiled but his face fell when he saw Fran's perplexed expression.  
  
"What is it?" He murmured as innocently as he could get. Fran's face broke into a cheesy grin as she kissed him attentively on the cheek,  
  
"I think that's the first time I've seen a proper smile on you. It looks good on you" Draco smirked at her,  
  
"If you were in Slytherin I'd be smiling more often"  
  
"God Malfoy that's got to be the weirdest pick up line I've ever received!" she laughed, playfully poking her tongue at him. Draco continued on ignoring the gesture,  
  
"Seriously how come you're not in Slytherin? I've seen you with Potter and his lot. You obviously don't fit in. And I doubt you yourself even want to be in Griffindor".  
  
"I dunno", Fran shrugged, "I reckon the Sorting Hat must have made some sort of mistake. I've been thinking that I'm defiantly in the wrong house, sides green and silver look better than me than red and yellow".  
  
They sat in each other's arms for a few minutes before Draco, with his arm still around her, took out his small antique pocket watch and glanced down at it. "We should start heading back. I suspect Pansy's roaming the halls for me" Draco shuddered at the thought. Fran meanwhile looked up at him and pouted,  
  
"Do we have to? I'm quite comfy right here" Fran rubbed her head against the side of his neck and wiggled her hips, all verrrrry sloooowly.  
  
(Draco's thoughts): +Whoa, we'll she sure isn't shy. Not that I'm arguing+ *has several evil thought*  
  
Draco raised her chin up and their lips met, after a few moments their lips parted Draco replying,  
  
"'Fraid so love. It's almost twelve. And I know Potter's going to have a heart attack if you're not in the common room in ten minutes," Fran sighed as she got up, dusting off any imaginary dust off her short school skirt. As Draco laced his fingers around hers they made their way down the tower.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N right. the muse is being mean and nasty and doesn't love us anymore! We're sorry in advance everyone but we just CAN'T write Harry with Ginny, Kat had a crush on a guy for three years, and suddenly he showed interest in her back. And trust us. it just wasn't good, getting together with crushes equals NONONONONONO! Ok now, we're thinking Harry is bi, and he can either be with Blaise or Seamus or be a player. Kat was making jokes about doing Harry/Neville but we both nearly puked. so that was vetoed! REVIEW PLEASE!!! 


	9. LESBIANS!

Disclaimer: (Kat types) we own nothing, our hopes for enlightenment is all that can belong to one who is unworthy. in other words, we've been taking meditation classes, and we still haven't managed to steal Dray or Leggy. (Franni steals keyboard) Also there's this saying that I say about a resolve face or something, that saying is from Joss Wheedon and Mutant Enemy (Kat made me say that too!)  
  
**Chapter eight: LESBIANS!!!!!**  
  
Harry, Ron, Draco, Legolas and Hermione walked into the prefect common room only to see Franni in Katie's lap, facing her, straddling her while both kissing passionately and enthusiastically.  
  
The walker-ins' jaws dropping, Harry then fainting. {Fran A/N: God he's going a Jean Grey on us *crickets in background* fine so no one knows my X- Men reference. I'll go over here now *hides in cardboard box*}  
  
A thump caused by Harry's head making impact with the floor, causing Franni and Katie to slowly break away from each other, both with glazed eyes, swollen lips and dazed grins; a confuzzled "What??" in unison.  
  
Legolas recovered first with a muttered "Wow! That was. hot. Would it be wrong if I were being turned on by this?" Harry who has half come around by now gave a kind of answer "wrong, wrong, oh so wrong, WRONG ME BABY WRONG MY BRAINS OUT!" {A/N all hail the god that is Mel Brooks} Hermy giving her opinion of Harry's answer by kicking him, Draco gaping and finally coming out with "YES IT WOULD BE WRONG! Since one of them is MY girlfriend!!!!"  
  
Hermy thinking for a moment, then announcing "I need to go to the bathroom" *giving a SIGNIFICANT LOOK to Katie* Katie then announcing "We'll come too!" *dragging Franni after Herm into the bathroom* *Ron's eyes opening in amazement and realisation* "So that's why girls always go to the bathroom in groups"  
  
The three remaining guys looking at each other, eyes all matching Ron's as realisation comes upon them, and they all drool in unison.  
  
Hermy, Fran and Katie returning to the common room only to see the guys still drooling. *Herm elbowing Katie in a none too subtle instruction to begin* "Well, it was just a joke to freak you guys out, we're not lesbians, Oh and Ron, Hermy says that if you continue that strain of thought she'll kill and/or castrate you" *Ron's eyes immediately clearing and he stops drooling* *Legolas pouting as his fantasy is destroyed, Katie pouncing forwards and kissing the pout* "Remember lovely, lesbian means no boys!" *Legolas nods in understanding and cheers up*  
  
Katie whispered into Franni's ear "I need more of the potion tonight. I'm running a little low" *Hermy's eyebrows rose as she overheard this*  
  
Seating was then arranged, Franni in Dray's lap. Katie in Legolas' lap, Herm sitting next to Ron and snuggling up to him and Harry the odd one out {A.N: Poor Harry! *tear*} Upon Fran snuggling to Draco everyone, minus Katie and Leggie, gave then utterly confused, shocked and towards Draco, PISSED OFF looks. Draco growled at them wrapping his arms around Fran's waist protectively. Fran rolled her eyes at them,  
  
"Before anyone says anything yes, Draco is my boyfriend, I'm his girlfriend and we are going out. See this face... this is Franni's resolve face... Franni is not going to budge on this one!" Harry, Ron and Hermione looked shocked, Fran had never exploded at them like that... or used the resolve face for that matter. Ron was about to object but the piercing glare from Fran imminently shut him up. Harry looked at Fran,  
  
"But he's in Slytherin".  
  
"Oh geez Potter you don't say?" Draco snapped back but upon seeing Fran's deadly pout, he silenced himself. Fran continued saying,  
  
"Honestly I don't see the bloody problem with him being in Slytherin, Katie's Slytherin, and you guys don't seem to mind. Anyway it's just a house . . .not like he's my cousin or anything". The entire room went silent before a synchronized,  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! INCEST!"  
  
Soon everyone in the room got over this new piece of information and things became more peaceful around everyone.  
  
Legolas talking to Franni about her affinity with unicorns, a conversation which Franni was trying her best to give non-committal answers in, and Katie talking to Hermy about advanced transfiguration, Draco watching Katie's and Legolas' hips moving against each others, a fact to which Katie and Leggy are unaware.  
  
Legolas and Katie suddenly breaking off mid-word and turning to each other and locking their lips, their minds shutting off, Katie's blonde hair turning blonder, green eyes sparkling before shutting, pale skin turning translucent, A strange feeling growing in the room, Draco and Franni breaking off staring at the snogging couple to join the snogging without air competition themselves, Hermy and Ron doing the same, Harry pouting hugely since he didn't have a snogging partner and running out into the corridor and snogging everyone he came upon.  
  
Franni extracting herself from an incredibly amorous Draco and from what was likely to turn into an embarrassing situation, running to Katie and pulling her away from Leggy, Katie looking dazed and positively wanton. Franni then slapping Katie, and as she does Katie wakes up, as does everyone else in the room, Hermy and Ron stopping trying to undress each other {A/N thankfully} and Harry stops kissing everyone who had come near him. Draco looking suspiciously at the couple who began the impromptu Face Sucking Session. Katie attempting to look innocent, an exceedingly difficult task since all the buttons on her robe have been ripped off, as have the first three buttons on the shirt underneath, but a look she pulls off rather well, considering.  
  
Hermione then drags Fran by the ear out of the Common room and into an adjoining room, Fran whining the whole way. Katie drags Legolas to another adjoining room to continue kissing him stupid.  
  
~Adjoining Room~  
  
"UGH!"  
  
"Oh!"  
  
"AHHH!"  
  
*Hands flying over body and lips breaking apart for moments only to breath*  
  
{A/N WHOOPS! Wrong adjoining room, lets leave them to their privacy. or Katie & Legolas will castrate us. and if you don't have one, she'll find something to castrate}  
  
~The OTHER Adjoining Room~  
  
"Ouch! Quit it!" Fran yelped in pain. Hermione groaned, releasing Fran from her grasp. Turning to Fran she began her interrogation,  
  
"What did you mean when you said "I'll make the potion tonight?"  
  
Fran stuck her tongue out,  
  
"It's not my place to say. Its Katie's secret. Bug her about it"  
  
"Oh no", Hermione pressed on, "you're telling me right here, RIGHT NOW!" Fran lowered her head and mumbled something; Hermione only caught two words "Katie" and "part".  
  
"Fran just spill it. I'll find out anyways," she reminded. Fran shook her head,  
  
"Katie is part Veela".  
  
"WHAT?" Hermione yelled. Fran winced,  
  
"Not so loud! Yes she is part Veela," her voice was much softer, "I've known Katie since I was in kindergarten, and even back then men would pounce on her. Let me put it into perspective. The Beaubaxton's Triwizard champion was Fleur Delacour right? I know for a fact that her grandmother was the only Veela in her bloodline. Well imagine if your mothers, as well as her entire side of the family, are all Veelas. We would need crowbars to stop the boys humping Katie's leg". Hermione stood there shocked, trying to absorb all of this new information. Then something struck her,  
  
"Hang on. If Katie's part Veela then why aren't all the guys like obsessing over her madly?"  
  
"Well, that's when the whole potion thing started. It was our first year at Oxford, and Katie was having a hard time . . . I mean she couldn't go anywhere without a whole mob of guys running after her . . .  
  
~Flashback Oxford School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Midnight First Year~  
  
"Fran hurry up!" Katie whined to a very distracted Fran. Fran glared at her,  
  
"I'm going as fast as I can! This Potion is like nothing I've seen before. Eye of Newt? Blood of a Wasp? Man, this Potion is for 7th Year students!!"  
  
Katie whimpered,  
  
"Please Franni! I'm tired of running from hormone-crazed guys! Damn my Veela genes!"  
  
"Quit complaining, you're drop dead gorgeous and you can get any guy you want. I wouldn't be complaining" Fran reminded.  
  
"Remember the Bathroom incident?"  
  
"Oh yeah"  
  
"The Locker Room Incident?"  
  
"Katie you don't need to go there-"  
  
"The time where they stole my underwe-"  
  
"KATIE DON'T REMIND ME!" Fran moaned, having to stop herself from gagging, "just a few more ingredients. If Professor Von Hensen catches us by the way we're so dead. There goes in the Felspar sap . . .and there, finished!" Katie peered into the small black cauldron, and upon seeing the browny grey lumpy slop her lip curled,  
  
"There is no way I am drinking that!"  
  
"You have to if you want to disguise your Veela genes. But this will only work on Muggles and Wizards. Anything else such as I dunno, Fairies or Elves, they're be able to spot you from a mile away". Fran picked up a cup from next to her and scooped up the potion before handing it to Katie. Taking a deep breath, Katie slurped it down. Then,  
  
"AHHHHHH! THAT'S THE GROSSEST THING I HAVE EVER TASTED!!" Katie exclaimed. Fran unplugged her ears,  
  
"Feel any different?" Katie sat there silent for a moment,  
  
"Yeah I do actually. I feel . . . like I'm missing something. I don't feel as attractive as I did three minutes ago".  
  
"YES IT WORKED!" Fran jumped up and began to do the happy dance, "Go Franni! It's your birthday! I am the Potion's Master! WATCH OUT. UMM. SOMEBODY GOOD COS. HERE I COME!"  
  
"Franni sweetheart. what have I told you? No sugar after six pm".  
  
~End Flashback~  
  
*Hermy looking a little less confused. but not much*  
  
"But this has never happened before, and we've all walked in on them kissing before"  
  
"I think it was because he was jealous of me and Katie kissing (though he wouldn't admit it) and she also was not feeling good about kissing me, so she was laying claim over him. and she was also telling me before that, that she is low on the potion I make for her" Franni not sure about the answer she has just given but it is the most probable she could think of.  
  
TBC  
  
GIVE US FEEDBACK! And that's an order. if you don't, you will never be enlightened!!!! Stay tuned for Chapter Nine, lots more excitement. What happens to the Male Population of Hogwarts when Ron tells Gred and Feorge who then tell everyone else about Katie and Fran's prank? 


	10. Secrets Revealed

Disclaimer: *Kat* "do I haaaave to?" *Franni* "YES now type!"*Kat* "make the muse do it!" *muse* "yes mistresses" *types* they think they own it SUE! SUE! SUE! *Kat slaps the muse in the back of the head* no they don't, don't sue! Don't sue! *Kat then pats him on the head* "good muse! We own him, Franni and Katie and the plot. that's it."  
  
**Chapter Nine: Secrets Revealed**  
  
~Meanwhile back in the first adjoining room~  
  
"Mlph" Katie attempted to speak, unsuccessfully, breaking from the kiss to try again "Love," success! "Maybe we better stop, otherwise I'm just going to end up jumping your sexy bones!" Legolas looking a little confused by this (Leggie's thoughts) + and the downside of that would be? +  
  
Katie answering his unspoken question "not that it wouldn't be fun and all, but we had decided not to, you remember don't you?" *Legolas shakes his head* "Well we did, and my friends are in the next room, so can we say ewww and ick!" she then drags Legolas into the common room before she was tempted to kiss away his pout even more.  
  
~The Prefect Common Room~  
  
"Ahh Katie, you're back, thank god! Please explain why Potter just had the urge to kiss everyone, he was trying to kiss ME until about three seconds ago," Draco was by this stage hysterical, "DID YOU DO THE CLINGING CHARM AGAIN???" Katie again doing her innocent face, more successfully this time since she had repaired her robe before entering the room. {A/N for those who don't remember this, LOOK AT THE LAST CHAPTER AGAIN!}  
  
Franni and Herm then greeted by the sight of Harry in Katie's lap, pinning her struggling body down and trying to kiss her, Draco, Ron and Legolas laughing their heads off. Katie screeched "GET HIM OFF ME!!!!" Then the scene became even more amusing when a girl walks into the room, seeing the situation with Katie and Harry, walking up to him, slapping his face and yelling "YOU BASTARD!" before storming out. Another girl then walks in, and seeing Harry still sitting in Katie's lap, though now gaping in shock, she walked up to him, slapped his face, yells "YOU BLOODY BASTARD!" and stormed out. Then, drama of all drama's a guy walked in, sees an even more shocked Harry still sitting in Katie's lap, walked up to him, slapped him dramatically and says in the clichéd voice "YOU BITCH!!" then minced out.  
  
*A round of applause from everyone, then laughter*, then Legolas asking* "So man, what did you do to deserve that, or from the look on the last guy's face, what didn't you do?" *Harry is still sitting in Katie's lap, blinking wide-eyed*  
  
Harry blushed and protested "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!! I just kissed the three of them. Blaise, Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Parvati and her twin, Angelina, Alicia, Katie, Susan Bones and was just about to kiss Pansy" *he pauses to shudder* "When suddenly I stopped feeling the need to, and I walked in, in time to see Katie dragging Legolas out with a red handprint on her cheek. I don't know why I did it. I just had this urge to kiss somebody, so I did." *he now pauses to grin* "Several times"  
  
Everyone still laughing, then turning to give Katie & Legolas dirty looks. {A/N except for Katie and Legolas, they can't very well give themselves dirty looks now can they}{A/N and Franni didn't either, cos she knew why}  
  
"She can't help it you know, she's half Veela, from her mothers side"  
  
{A/N AAAAAND Kat's creativity just snuck out with the muse and both were last seen getting into a taxi outside my house, hopefully headed for Franni's *passes baton (and keyboard) over to Franni and hopes for the best}*  
  
The room went deadly silent, everyone's mouth minus Fran, Herm and Katie dropped wide open. Harry, Ron and Draco looked absolutely shaken, while Legolas looked bewildered.  
  
"Um Franni?" Legolas asked curiously, "what's a Veela?" Fran morphing into her serious voice began to explain,  
  
"Well Legolas, Veelas are creatures from Bulgaria who have two forms. Their "human-ish" form is very beautiful. They always have long, shiny light- coloured, translucent skin and piercing eyes. In basic terms, they are the alternative to Elves in this um . . .universe? I dunno. Basically they're perfect, expect when they get mad they turn into these vulture things and shriek and sqawk... blah, blah, blah-"  
  
""UGLY???? VULTURE????????? SQUAWK???????????????????????" Katie screeched angrily. Fran backed off somewhat terrified,  
  
"Um Katie, first off it's true, they do turn into giant half bird things. Secondly I'm not offending you. And since you're only HALF-Veela you'll never resort to that state okay? Anyhow males virtually go "gaga" at these creatures, they go into some weird ass voodoo trance where they just drool and stare and crap. So yeah, that's what was happening to Katie in our first year at Oxford. It got so bad; it got to the stage that Katie had to hide in her room so she wouldn't get jumped, continuously, by BOTH students AND teachers. So since me being 'THE POTION MASTER!' (Fran jumps into silly overdramatic superhero pose) I created a potion that would shield her Veela genes. *Eyes widen as she starts to bounce up and down* Ooooh! I just realized something!!"  
  
The whole room looked blankly at her as she continued,  
  
"That's probably why Legolas and Katie can't keep their hands off each other! His Elf genes and her Veela genes are drawn to each other, they're like hormone crazed sex bombs waiting to explode!"  
  
Katie sighed,  
  
"Yet another twisted analogy created by Franni" Fran did a mock bow before something caught her eye,  
  
"SNUFFLES! THAT'S WHERE YOU WENT!" She ran other to the monstrous black dog (he was back to its normal colour-the spell had worn off after a few days) and hugged it for dear life. The dog howled in fear trying to escape from her grasp. Harry's face paled,  
  
"What-did-you just call him?"  
  
"Snuffles. Isn't he the most precious thing ever?" Fran giggled happily. Draco whispered to Harry,  
  
"She found *that* thing in the Forbidden Forest. It disappeared when we came back to the castle and she's been looking for it ever since".  
  
Harry gulped loudly and looked at Hermione and Ron, who both had a similar look on their face. Katie turned to look at them,  
  
"What? You guys know something the rest of us don't?"  
  
Harry nodded slowly as he walked over to the dog and kneeled in front of it. Looking into its midnight black eyes he said somewhat good-humouredly,  
  
"'Ello Sirius".  
  
At that moment the dog began to change. Fran yelped and backed away as the dog morphed up, soon in its place was a tall, shockingly thin man with long matted black hair and pastel white skin. Katie stuttered horrified,  
  
"Sirius Black?"  
  
"But . . .but . . .but-" was all Draco managed to say. But Fran took a different approach,  
  
"Wow, my doggie's a man, a big scary convicted murderer man, who I turned pink. . .and polka dotty. . .Ooooooh *becomes very scared*". Harry turned to her,  
  
"YOUR DOG? THAT'S MY GODFATHER YOU'RE TALKINGA BOUT!"  
  
"Yeah well, HE'S MY DOGGIE!"  
  
"May I add that I'm innocent?" Sirius asked. Harry nodded,  
  
"Oh yeah, Sirius Black's innocent. It was this total drop kick called Wormtail who killed all those Muggles and stuff. Oh and he's an Animagus so that's how he got inside Hogwarts and stuff"

Fran pouted, "But I want muh doggie back! I don't have any pets! I WANT MUH DOGGIE!" Fran collapsed onto the floor and broke into tears. Draco sighed and wrapped his arms around her, rocking her back and forth as Fran continued to cry,  
  
"WHERE DID MY SNUFFLES GO?" Harry raised an eyebrow while Herm looked perplexed at Fran. It was Legolas however who broke the silence,  
  
"Um Fran. If he can morph into a human surely he can morph back into . . .Snuffles". Upon hearing this Fran beamed,  
  
"Oh yeah!" Sirius gave a thin smile,  
  
"Um . . . .Fran right? I'll be happy to act as um, your dog, on one condition".  
  
"What's that?" Katie asked. Sirius thought for a moment before saying,  
  
"No more 'make over' spells".  
  
***********  
  
A Few Hours Later  
  
"No. . . .way" was all George Weasley could mutter. Fred began to drool,  
  
"Katie?"  
  
"Fran?"  
  
"Together?"  
  
"MAKING OUT!" Fred and George beamed to each other then back to their younger brother, who had told them about that morning's spectacle. Ron grinned,  
  
"It was the most, well, it was pretty hot. As odd as that sounds it's true".  
  
Fred sighed dreamily,  
  
"The school's two hottest girls, lesbians. I don't care what anyone else says that's my ideal fantasy!" George smiled evilly and then proceeded to whisper into Fred's ear. Ron watched as Fred's eyes lightened up with every word George said. Without warning the two troublesome twins sprinted and proceeded to start talking to very single male they could meet. Ron gulped,  
  
Was it such a good idea to tell Fred and George about Katie and Fran's prank, without mentioning that it was in fact a prank?  
  
TBC  
  
(Fran types) OK that's the end of another chapter peeps! the next chapter will be dun dun dun, THE MOB SCENE! Expect a lot of horny guys and lots of running. Chapter 11 will either be in Hogwarts or be another small comedic thingy like Chapter 7 . . . .cept it wasn't chapter; it was just the small insert to tide u over til chapter 7. *Looks confuzzled* ok me confused so I'm going to lie down and Kat can continue writing. (Passes keyboard over to Katie and hobbles over to couch) (Katie types) REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW ! Remember... REVIEW! Now if you'll excuse me, there's a muse I must attend to *evil smirk* *muse puckers up and grins* *Franni muttering* "sicko!"


	11. Mob Scene!

Disclaimer: *Muse types* Hello fellow prisoners, in case anyone was asking this is Aiden-you know the blue haired, green skinned, golden eyed gorgeous guy muse. Anyways I'm currently typing this disclaimer cause Fran and Kat WON'T GET OFF THEIR LAZY ASSES TO DO IT! Oh, that and they're kinda outta it *hides Vodka bottle from view* but it had nothing to do with me, honest . . .really, just cause I'm holding a Vodka bottle which could be mistaken as water . . .I think I might run now *shrieks and hides* 

A.N: Soz for the delay but well, Fran was kinda busy and Katie sometimes went missing. Or vice/versa. SO ENJOY THE CHAPTER! Btw, this whole 'lesbian' thing is actually true. It happened to KK *Fran nudges KK* hehe, quite funny story really. If you want to know what happened ask! 

Chapter Ten: Mob Scene 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

Katie and Fran rushed along the halls of Hogwarts, screaming their heads off, while they were pursued by about 50 very horny, very determined boys chanting, 

"LESBIANS! LESBIANS!" 

"We should've guessed this would backfire on us," Franni shrieked loudly as they leaped over a pair of confused first years and continued running uninjured, "it always backfires on the cute ones!" 

"Fran calm down-" 

"You do realize that we have 50 VERY HORNY, VERY DETERMINED BOYS ON OUR TAIL RIGHT!!" Katie pondered this thought for a moment before coming to the conclusion that, 

"WE'RE SCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEED!" 

Still in hot pursuit the girls ran past the Hufflepuff common room, darted around the History of Magic classroom and took a short cut through Filch's Office. Somehow even through all of this the boys were still on their tail, though several students and teachers had been trampled on (Professor Trelawney amongst the injured). The boys were now even hotter on their pursuit and had started chanting the phrase "Lesbians!" loudly and proudly throughout the entire school. 

"They're gaining on us!" Fran shrieked terrified. Katie, equally terrified screamed back, 

"WELL THEN RUN FASTER! By the way, who was the jackass who told 'raging mob' behind us about the prank?" 

Katie and Fran ran in silence for a minute or so before looking at each other and screaming angrily in unison, 

"RON! YOU DICKHEAD! OUR BOYFRIENDS ARE SO GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!" 

*Twenty Minutes Later* 

"Damn Gred and Feorge! DAMN THEM AND THEIR RAGING HORMONES TO HELL!" Katie screamed back to the mob. Fran pulled Katie along, dragging her around a sudden turn. They ducked behind the statue of Freda the Feral. The horde of boys ran straight past them chanting, 

"GET 'EM, CHASE 'EM, FASTER GUYS . . . .LESBIANS!" 

"Should we take a peek to see if they're still there?" asked Fran innocently. Katie nodded and both girls peered over, checking both ways before emerging from their hiding spot. Seeing that the coast was clear Katie grabbed Franni and began to dart in the opposite direction of that of the mob. That's when they heard the two leaders of the mob, who were the only ones left thanks to Katie and Fran's diversion. Running down into the dungeons Franni and Katie continued to run, until as luck would have it- 

They reached a dead end. {A.N: Cliché I know but meh!} 

Fred and George came closer-the drool from their mouth clearly dribbling down their chin. Katie appealed to their raging hormones, 

"Look guys, I'll give you a kiss each if you let us explain alright?" Fred and George thought for a moment, before looking at each other and huddling together for a moment. Separating Fred replies, 

"Why not a kiss from Franni too?" 

"Two words guys, Overprotective Boyfriend" Katie answered for a blushing Franni, who was standing behind Katie rather shyly. Fred and George looked confused as Katie continued on, 

"That's what we've been trying to tell you two dunderheads, we are not lesbians. It was a little prank we played on Ron, Herm, Harry, Draco and Legolas-" 

"Legolas?" George interrupted, "who's he?" 

"Never you mind that" Katie playfully snapped back, her crystal green eyes twinkling, "He's a friend. See Franni here was never, and never shall be a lesbian. My sexual preference on the other hand is my business alone, though suffice it to say, I am not a lesbian! Anyways guys what's with all the excitement for guys in lesbians? It means that your changes have gone from unlikely to NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!" While Katie panted for air after finishing her rant Fred and George were still staring at her like a couple of goldfish, their eyes still glazed over. Pouting slightly, Katie turned to Fran and in a whiny voice said, 

"Franni, why aren't Fred and George's eyes unglazing and their hormone fest dispersing? I explained the situation to them in fairly certain terms!" 

"Katie hun, what have I told you? It's because teenage guys only think with their dicks" {A.N: No disrespect to the male population but come on, it's pretty accurate!}. Upon hearing this Fred and George look shocked and break from their hormone crazed trance. In a startled voice they yell, 

"Ohmygod, did Fran just say DICK?" 

"Oh for Pete's sake" Franni sulked stamping her foot hard on the ground, "why does everyone always think that I'm the fucking innocent one?" 

"Franni we can discuss that later" Katie said, "but while those two are frozen in shock it would be a good time to ESCAPE!" Katie and Fran quickly dart past the two boys and run hysterically, but Fred yells at them, 

"HEY WE WANT OUR KISSES! CAN'T WE MAKE SOME SORT OF AGREEMENT?" 

The two girls stop in their tracks thinking. As if a light bulb had been turned on in their heads, the two girls looked back at the two boys, complete with mischievous grins plastered on their faces. 

"Well" Katie muttered, walking closer, "there is one thing you could do for us . . . ." 

********* 

The next day 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ron screamed sprinting past while Franni and Katie were hot on his trail, a giant frying pan in Franni's hand and a large mallet in Katie's. The chase soon passed Fred and George, who were at this moment had lipstick marks all over their faces. Rubbing his cheek contently, Fred said while turning to George, 

"We were right to hold out for a better offer than a kiss on the cheek to betray our own dear Ronnikins... a kiss on the lips each from Katie was just the right price really" 

"And the bonus of a kiss on the cheek from Franni for giving her the mallet and frying pan" added George. 

"A honest day's work don't you think Fred?" 

"Ahh, life is good when one is being devious" 

TBC

********* 

Authors Notes: Kat here, Now ok, about the delay, may I say that it sooooo wasn't our fault. it was all Aidan's fault, he went away on holidays and took all the ideas with him, and when he came back he refused to inspire us on this chapter, I couldn't work out why until I tidied my room and found the chapter, practically finished and handwritten. So here it is. Give Feedback. Now. That's an order by the way!!! Reviews feed the muse and he feeds us the ideas. *Kat grabs Aidan and drags him into the wardrobe and begins payment for this very drawn out chapter* *Fran however is firmly placed, facing the wall with her eyes covered and humming loudly to block out any noises*


	12. Q What Do You Get With A Drunken Veela? ...

Disclaimer: We promise that this whole thing was dreamt up on a SUGAR HIGH!!!! We still don't own most of it, but that hasn't stopped us yet. On another note, whoo hoo! Our boys rock (well they're not ours, we wish they were though *sigh*)! In the Dolly Top 100 (again Aussie Magazine), Orli, gorgeous Orli was 2nd while total cutie (damn Paul Walker-Orli's cuter!) Tom Felton was 6th! Now while 6th doesn't sound too impressive (damn just missed out on getting a Tom poster () Tom beat the likes of Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Shane West, Hayden Christensen . . .do I need to go on? OMG! I think Tom should thank us cause we voted for him 'oh so' many times! And Orli too! Hehe both boys are gorgeous!!  
  
Note: We are not alcoholics and we do not endorse underage drinking (no matter how much fun it is).  
  
**Chapter 11: Q. What Do You Get With A Drunken Veela?  
A. You Really Don't Wanna Know!!**  
  
"FREE BABY FREE, LIKE A BIRD!" Harry screamed, jumping in the air and trying to kiss everyone in sight. The fifth years were having their monthly visit to Hogsmeade, and all of them were feeling the relief of being free from school and work.  
  
"freedom . . . Freedom . . . FREEDOM!! FREEDOM!!!!!!!" Franni and Katie sang the freedom furniture add (A.N: Australian furniture company); slightly off key down the pebble stoned walk way. Legolas was behind then, looking slightly left out (he didn't know the song) and Herm and Ron were walking happily, arms linked (A/N We're establishing Ron and Herm as a couple cause. We SO ain't writing IT!)  
  
"I want our tour now!" Fran yelled in a high-pitched tone, yanking Katie's arm up and down. Katie nodded,  
  
"Yeah, we're bored. And, and, Ooooooh. WHAT'S THAT?" Katie hyperactively pulled Franni away as they ran inside Zonko's despite Herm yelling loudly not to go in.  
  
~Ten Minutes Later~  
  
"I TOLD YOU!" Herm yelled at the two now blackened and charred girls. Zonko's was luckily still standing (Hey, Fred and George had been at Hogwarts and by extension Hogsmede for many years, Zonko's had insured themselves with an antiEVERYTHING charm for their store, and obviously it was a good investment.) Fran shuffled her feet, and looking up with big Bambi eyes muttered,  
  
"How were we suppose to know that pressing the lil' red button would make the whole shop go *KAPLOOIE*?"  
  
Her face going redder by the minute, Herm angrily muttered to herself,  
  
"Why bother trying to reason with her?"  
  
"IT HAD A SIGN SAYING 'DO NOT TOUCH. EXPLOSIVE' that should have kinda let you know!" Katie berated Franni.  
  
"Well you didn't stop me", Franni whined to Katie, "YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO WARN ME YOU, you, VULTURE!" Katie sputtered while everyone else went silent; she then burst into tears, loudly and screaming highly and painfully.  
  
"Bad Franni, bad! Don't insult your bestie! BAAAAAAD!" Franni, slapping herself then began to have a conversation with herself," "I'm Sorry, I promise I'll never ever do it again!" "Don't worry man, I love ya" "OMG, I LOVE YOU TOO! SELF HUG!" As Franni hugged herself happily, everyone else looked on too shocked to say anything, but it didn't really matter since Franni was having a very interesting conversation with herself about a certain blond haired Slytherin.  
  
~Later On~  
  
"I wanna start drinking, walking is boooooooooooring!" Katie complained while Fran nodded in agreement. Ron sighed,  
  
"We're almost at the Three Broomsticks, just hold on. You still haven't seen the Shrieking Shack".  
  
"What's there to look at? IT'S A FREAKING TOURIST GHOSTHOUSE! IT ISN'T EVEN SCARY!"  
  
"Oh I beg to differ" Harry smiled gesturing to a wary looking Draco who was holding the collar of his robe up over his neck and eyeing the Shack suspiciously muttering over and over,  
  
"I REFUSE TO BE SLIMED AGAIN!"  
  
Harry, taking this opportunity, sneaked up behind Draco and tapped his tensed up shoulder. As you would've guessed Draco panicked and screamed, however unexpectedly he screamed in a very high-pitched feminine manner,  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! The ghosts are after me! THEY GHOSTS ARE AFTER ME!"  
  
"Malfoy, did . . . did you just shriek?" Ron asked as he tried not to laugh. Draco scowled down at Ron and Harry, who was bending forward holding his sides sniggering.  
  
"Oi Weasley", Draco spat venomously, "watch out for the spiders!" The mention of Ron's biggest fear immediately caused him to hyperventilate, scream like a five year old girl and cling to Hermione for dear life. Hermione didn't seem to like this new attachment to her body, and made this painfully clear as she began to squirm away from him, which in return caused him to cling even tighter. Harry began to laugh even harder who still hadn't gotten over Draco's scare-and now found Ron's even more entertaining. Now Harry laughing was making Draco angry, and when Draco's angry he scowls heavily, and when he scowls heavily he begins to think evil, evil, sick twisted thoughts, and when that happens-it's called revenge.  
  
"Hey Potter, I heard that Snape wants to GET IT ON WIT' YOU!" Now even though Harry knew this wasn't true, it was never the less extremely mentally scarring thought and this caused him to scream in the most girly, high-pitched tone any man could possibly do without having their balls getting squeezed.  
  
"Katie love, why are the race of men such... girls?" Legolas asked his girlfriend slightly confused as the couple watched the spectacle in front of them unfold.  
  
********  
  
~Half an Hour Later~  
  
"Oh hello Miss Connor, Miss Caulston. What can I get for you?" Madame Rosmerta asked kindly as she finished cleaning out a mug and turned to them.  
  
"Six butterbeers please!" Fran asked politely, Katie mouthing 'Goody-Two- Shoes' back to the rest of the group. Fran poked her tongue out at Katie before giggling again. Madame Rosmerta soon came back with the butterbeers,  
  
"Six butterbeers, is that all girls?"  
  
"Oh one more thing", Katie remembered quickly, "do you have a magical karaoke machine or something similar to it?" Madame Rosmerta, thinking for a second nodded,  
  
"Yes, one in the back I think. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Oh um, let's just say we might have use for it later". Thanking her again for the drinks, Katie and Fran skipped back to their table where Harry, Ron, Herm and Legolas sat. Fran squeezed in between Harry and Ron while Katie eased herself onto Legolas' lap.  
  
"Ok Katie, Stage one for 'Operation: Drunken Veela' has been completed. Now what's for Stage two?" Harry asked Katie. Doing her trademark smile she whipped out her wand and muttered a quick enchantment. Soon each person at the table had a menu in their hand. But it wasn't just any menu however, a cocktail menu.  
  
"Just pick the drink of your choice and I'll transfigure these drinks into an alcoholic delight!" Soon everyone's eyes were scanning the menus and one by one they began to make their choices,  
  
"A Margarita for me Elmo" Franni asked sweetly.  
  
"Sweet, the Godfather!" Harry chuckled.  
  
"Um . . .er, the Millionaire Cocktail? Well if I can't be one I might as well drink like one!" Ron quipped. Typical Hermione firmly said that she didn't want one with any alcohol so Katie suggested the "Orange Blossom" and Herm said that she liked the sound of it. What Herm didn't know was that the "Orange Blossom" had gin, brandy and rum in it!  
  
"And a Sex on the Beach for me!" Katie giggled. As the boys gawked at her she pouted,  
  
"Oh come on, that name isn't that bad! There's a drink in here called 'The Screaming Orgasm!"  
  
"That sounds quite nice" Legolas cut in, "I think I'll have that!"  
  
"You would, would you?" Katie purred seductively in his direction.  
  
*********  
  
"ROLL UP! ROLL UP! DRINKING COMPETITION BETWEEN KATIE CONNOR AND HAGRID! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS WILL BE A SIGHT TO SEE!" Seamus said, doing a very good job at impersonating a megaphone.  
  
"Mead, you want to try and beat me on mead???? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Katie was shrieking with laughter at Hagrid's latest suggestion. Hagrid at first had been violently against the idea of having a drinking competition with a student. That is until the betting started, Katie had bet him 3 Galleons that she could beat him and Hagrid was not one to back down from a bet. 

"Righ' then wha' you be wantin' to compete wit'?" Hagrid's deep booming voice answered 

"HELLFIRE SHOTS!" Katie shrieked and grinned at Franni across the table. Hagrid looked stumped "Wha' is Hellfire??" 

Katie cackled, "Well it's a little drink I mix up with a slosh of vodka, tequila, gin, whiskey and bourbon with a little water on the side" Everyone by this time is wide eyed at this mix. "It tastes like sh*t but has a kick like an elephant on steroids" Hagrid looked at all the faces staring at him waiting for his reaction, he couldn't give up now or he'd be too ashamed to show his face at the school "Alrigh' I'll do it"  
  
Katie, while grinning evilly, summoned a keg from behind the bar and got a bottle of each of the aforementioned drinks and poured the bottle of each in as well as a small jug of water, pointing her 5 inch cherry wood wand with hair of a unicorn centre at the barrel and chanted a spell "Twist, Shake, this is my drink, stir it up before I blink" Herm giving Katie an incredulous look "Is that even a spell?" 

Franni answering for her "Yeah, she made it herself and it works like a charm, wait a sec, it is a charm" giggling at her pun, "but I digress, the spell shakes the drink the amount it needs to be done, it's now catalogued in the list of bartending charms, though she had to say that she developed it for milkshakes and that really pissed her off"  
  
~Later~  
  
Katie and Hagrid are sitting opposite each other, a tower of shot glasses in front of each; though Katie's tower is slightly larger. Both look worse for wear, Katie has glazed over eyes and is drooling at some mental picture. Hagrid however was sharing the vision he had in his head "Oh, Olympie is so lovely, with her firm, round, scrumptious behi..." 

At that point everyone sober enough to have been listening burst out with epithets like "OH PLEASE NO MORE!!!!" Hagrid realised what he'd been about to say and flushed redder than his previous alcohol flushed state and said "Oh Shite! Sorry, I plum forgot that none of you are supposed too know, anyway what was I thinking sayin' it in front of you kids??" His eyes glaze back over and then he giggles and then passes out.  
  
Katie choosing this moment to wake up from her reverie; she stumbles her way over to a remarkably sober Legolas. She then stands on a table and yells "Everybody. This remarkably handsome creature is my man so to all of you salivating females. HANDS OFF!!!" 

She then sits down beside said elf and kisses him passionately and moves to straddle his lap. Katie then takes his face between her hands "I love you, not just a little, and not just for a week, but the soul consuming forever kind of love; to you, Legolas Greenleaf, I, Katarina Mya Conner, give my heart, my soul and my love" 

While she said this she had brought his hand to her heart, after finishing the pledge the couple was surrounded by a bright golden light, after it dimmed down a speck of the bright golden colour remained in the shape of a star on Legolas' join between neck and shoulder. Katie upon seeing the mark covered her mouth with her hands, eyes widening in shock "Oh Shit!" with that she promptly fainted.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N Sorry for the delay kids, 'twas me I must admit, not the dear Frannikins, she finished her part but real life intruded for me. exams, health problems and other crap. so sorry!!! Love you all and now that holidays are on we will be able to write more and more frequently. Thanks for sticking with us! And as always. WE WANT FEEDBACK!!!!!


	13. YES ITS LADIES NIGHT AND I WANT SOME MOR...

A/N (From Fran Caulston and Katie Connor) We are terribly sorry Delphyne that you thought this was a H/D slash, the fact that the summary quite clearly states that this is NOT a H/D slash obviously escaped your attention. As for the Mary-Sue comment, we resent that since we are not Mary-Sues at all… more... Mary-Janes, you see we are not perfect, in fact we make quite a few major screw ups, we are not teacher's pets. Most of the teachers hate us cause we won't shut up!! 

Neither of us are dating any of the core characters (Harry, Ron or Hermione) and we have absolutely no plans to beat Voldemort, we'll just leave that to Harry. And anyway, Mary-Sue is such a clichéd name; Mary Jane is so much more exotic… Exotic you ask, yes. Just listed to how the Brazilians say it "Marry- Juan" (pronounced Huan). Also we know that Cho is really OOC but BOO! DEAL WITH IT! We proclaim creative licence!!

Disclaimer: We're just borrowing the characters while JKR is busy working on the ext movie, we promise that they'll be returned in generally the same state that we borrowed them in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Chapter 14: YES ITS LADIES NIGHT AND I WANT SOME MORE MEAD!**

Shortly after Katie's victorious defeat over Hagrid, and her passing out. Cho walked up to Franni and Katie, they appear to be leaning on each other for support, Cho also appears to be drunk, though a lot less so than our heroines. "So umm I know I haven't really spoken to you, seeing as well I'm like super busy but since you are friends of Harry's I was wondering if I had a chance with him"

Franni let out an insane giggle before replying to the overly Percy like girl, "NOPE" before promptly passing out. Cho looking terribly hurt replied hotly,

"Why not?"

Katie took this time to give in her two cents, I mean two Knuts. Pushing herself up, she teetered towards Cho and with a great surprise to Cho, Katie flicked Cho's nose and pointed an accusing finger at her. 

"WE DONT LIKE YOU THAT'S WHY!! You're a big... POO POO MEANIE WHORE!" 

It seemed that the entire room jumped and gave looks of shock and horror at the whole "whore" incident.

"I AM NOT A WHORE YOU MORONS!" Cho snapped back, her face fuming bright red and her eyes glaring daggers at Katie and Franni, who was still at this moment passed out sleeping happily.

"COULD'VE FOOL ME!" Katie yelled out, "SIDES WE LIKE HIIIM! At least I think it's a him... " Katie trailed off while pointing a wobbly finger towards Blaise, who at this moment of time was dancing the Nut Bush and stealing other patron's drinks.

Cho blinked in disbelief,

"HIM? HIM? WHY IN MERLIN'S NAME HIM?"

"He's much more laid back", Katie slurred, trying to explain, "at least we think it's a he. His hair's too long and I'm too drunk to tell. And Franni's passed out. Either way he/she or it's better than you. He/she or it is a surprise. Harry likes surprises. But you are too uptight for surprises coz you're too busy being a whore and flying around and stuff! Sides Harry and Blaise are already getting acquainted! SEE!" 

Katie pointed towards the two boys in a booth in the corner. Blaise was passed out with a leg thrown over Harry's lapand an arm over his chest. Blaise's head was on Harry's shoulder. Harry was conveniently also passed out. Katie eyes widened in surprise, for while she was in her "Sex With A Shark" haze it seemed to her that Cho suddenly had a large blue pole sticking up her ass. 

(A/N Sex with a Shark is a ripper of a drink containing 1 oz Jagermeister, 1 oz Rumplemintz, 1 oz Chambord, 1 oz grenadine. For those who don't know, that is a very strong mix)

"I KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO UPTIGHT!" Katie laughed manically at Cho, "It's cause of that large pole up your ass! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Cho's face went even redder and swore so much and so badly that it could not even be written into this story. She huffed off grabbing her entourage of sheep with her while the whispered evil plans on revenge on Katie that would probably not work anyways . . . .

******

Harry: Hey guys you're babbling again.

The Crazy Ladies: Are we? Oops! We'll back to the story . . . . 

******

Back with Fran she was happily dreaming dreams of baby lambs and moose (or is it meeses?) and monkeys doing strange tribal dances when she heard music in the background. Not just any music though,

But the really bad backing track that is used when karaoke is happening.

And when there was karaoke, Fran was there

For everyone knew that Fran Caulston was the Karaoke Queen.

Springing up and turning her head towards the makeshift stage that was towards the back, she saw that currently Dean and Lavender were currently doing a very off key version of "The One That I Want". Frustrated that she would have to wait another verse and two choruses she bolted over just as Lavender was singing;

**_ "If you're filled_**

**_ With affection_**

**_ You're too shy to convey,_**

**_ Meditate in my direction._**

**_ Feel your way"_**

The two finished their song a few minutes later and Fran bolted up the stairs and onto the stage. She grabbed the mike and yelled,

"GOOD EVENING HOGSMEADE!!"

The crowd roared in applause. Fran did a flippy thing with her mike before yelling back at them,

"ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?"

The crowd screamed some more.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

The crowd screamed some more again.

"I SAID, I CAN'T-"

"OH SHUT UP FRAN AND SING THE BLASTED SONG!" Hermione shouted back. Pouting for a minute Fran selected her song and began to sing.

**_ "This is your night tonight_**

**_ Everything's gonna be alright,_**

**_ This is your night tonight_**

****

**_Come on girls!_**

****

**_Girls, we all got one,_**

**_ A night that's special everywhere (everywhere)_**

**_ From New York to Hollywood_**

**_ It's ladies night and girl the feelings good"_**

Now no one knew if it was the smog of alcohol that intoxicated everyone's lungs or that everyone was probably too drunk to control their actions but soon everyone was acting very odd. Men had somehow obtained bras and were wearing them over their shirts, girls were dancing the conga line so enthusiastically that several bar stools and been smashed against the walls. Even Hagrid who had woken up some time before had somehow become the incarnant of Kylie Minogue and was shaking his rear with great force. Harry and Blaise were dancing with each other in a mixed up version of the Charleston and the Heel and Toe, Hermione was jumping off tables and chairs declaring that she was indeed Superwoman, and Ron somehow obtained an Australian accent and had chased and imaginary penguin named Edwin into the kitchen area. While all of this was happening Fran was singing and dancing up a storm on stage,

**_"Oh yes it's ladies night_**

**_ And the feeling's right_**

**_ Oh yes it's ladies night_**

**_ Oh what a night (oh what a night)_**

****

**_ Oh yes it's ladies night_**

**_ And the feeling's right_**

**_ Oh yes it's ladies night_**

**_ Oh what a night (oh what a night)_**

**_This is your night tonight_**

**_ Everything's gonna be alright_**

**_ This is your night tonight_**

**_ Everything's gonna be alright_**

****

**_ Romantic lady, ooh yeah, single baby_**

**_ Mmm sophisticated mama, _**

**_ Come on you disco baby yeah yeah_**

**_ Stay with me tonight"_**

"Look at her!" Pansy Parkinson jeered angrily on the other side of the room, "she's making an complete idiot of herself!"

"At least she's enjoying herself!" Draco snapped back at Pansy. Pansy gave Draco a shocked look.

"Are you defending that slimy Gryffindor Dray darling?"

"BOO GET A HAIR CUT! YOU'RE STUPID, STUPID LIKE A FOX!" Draco blurted out on impulse and before Pansy could react he ran away as far away from her as he could.

Franni had finished her song, the audience cheered, whistled and clapped and it was now Katie's turn, she meandered up to the stage and patted Franni on the back as she went past "Nice work lovely". 

Walking up to the microphone "Hi, I'm gonna be singing 'Oops Oh My' By Tweet, Missy and Fabolous, I will be singing all the girl parts, the karaoke machine will do the guy bit."

The sexy music began, Katie's hips rotating to the music, upper body remaining motionless; she has a secretive smile on her face.

**_ "Tell you what I did last night_**

**_ I came home, say, around a quater to three_**

**_ Still so high_**

**_ Hypnotized_**

**_ In a trance_**

**_ From the start it, so butter and brown and tantalizing_**

**_ You woulda thought I needed help from this feeling that I felt_**

**_ So shook I had to catch my breath"_**

****The guys are wolf whistling, Legolas is looking bemused, but that could of course just be the alcohol talking.

**_ "Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Oops, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh, some kinda touch careesing my face_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh I'm turning red_**

**_ Who could this be?"_**

****Katie slowly began unbuttoning her top to this first chorus.

"KATIE MYA CONNER! IF YOU TAKE OFF ANY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING, I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN"

It seems Franni wasn't quite as enthusiastic as Katie about the current song being deal music to strip to. The boys all booed.

**_ "I tried and I tried to avoid_**

**_ but this thing was happening_**

**_ Swollow my pride_**

**_ Let it ride and party_**

**_ But this body felt just like mines_**

**_ I got worried_**

**_ I looked over to the left_**

**_ A reflection of myself_**

**_ That's why I couldn't catch my breath"_**

****Katie bent over, put her hands on her knees and then let them trail up her body.

"**_Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Oops, there goes my skirt dropin' to my feet_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh, some kinda touch careesing my face_**

**_ Oh my"_**

Katie is now doing her patented hip shimmy.

**_ [Usually Fabolous (rap)]_**

**_ Uh, yeah, yeah, Desert storm, yeah_**

**_ Fabolous, yeah, Tweet, yeah_**

**_ Shorty I strickly wanna spank you_**

**_ The most I gotta do is spell my name to get your _**

**_ Vickies to your ankles_**

**_ I'm serious mami_**

**_ You're fuckin wit the kid_**

**_ aka William H period Bonnie_**

**_ You know I'm the type_**

**_ that be Crushin and merkin_**

**_ Havin ladies touchin the herk_**

**_ And blushin and smirkin_**

**_ Early in the morning rushin for workin_**

**_ Screaming Ooh My F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S_**

**_ Each night I'm freakin_**

**_ Ma, you ain't gonna talk me to death _**

**_ cause you got free nights and weekends_**

**_ Ghetto Fab's all over the place_**

**_ Oops there goes my kids all over you face_**

**_ Ooh My_**

****While the Karaoke machine is doing Fabolous's part Katie is continuing to sexy dance, but she is seeming to sober up a little.

**_ "(I looked over to the left)_**

**_ Umm I was looking so good I couldn't reject myself_**

**_ (I looked over to the left)_**

**_ Umm I was feeling so good I had to touch myself_**

**_ (I looked over to the left)_**

**_ Umm I was eyein my thighs butter pecan brown_**

**_ (I looked over to the left)_**

**_ Umm comin outta my shirt and then the skirt came down"_**

****Katie is singing again, hands on hips and swaying them.

**_ "Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Oops, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh, some kinda touch caressing my face_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh I'm turning red_**

**_ Who could this be? " _**

****Katie is now pole dancing with the mic stand.

**_ "Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Oops, there goes my skirt droppin' to my feet_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh, some kinda touch caressing my face_**

**_ Oh my_**

**_ Ooh I'm turning red_**

**_ Who could this be?_**

****

**_ Ooh My"_**

For this last verse Katie is looking directly at Legolas as she dances to the remainder of the song.

The song trails off and for a moment there is silence, then the boys are wolf whistling and there is applause, Katie seems to come out of a daze. 

"Oh crap, I forgot I had an audience" With that the now slightly flushed girl ran over to Legolas and ensorcelled herself in his lap.

"Rosemerta, some whiskey please" Hagrid's booming voice echoed through the room. Rosemerta did as he bid and brought him some Irish Fire-whiskey, he nodded his thanks and then made the universal 'Cheers' motion with his large glass before taking a swig, and then coughing "And you know what they say?? No??? Well they say 'Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, If the Women don't get you, the Whiskey must.' and after that performance, and this here fine Irish Fire-whiskey, I tend to agree." 

With this comment the room fell about laughing, and the party continued.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TBC

Sorry about the long delay, Our damned muse took a summer holiday, and he got detained in New York by all those new stringent security measures, they didn't trust his green skin, blue hair and golden eyes… now I wonder why? 


	14. Authors Note!

Authors Note:

Kat here 

Well as some of you have pointed out... EENY MEENY MINEY MO! DISSAPPEARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I've spent the past coupla hours searching through my files, finding and saving all of them, as well as proof reading them again.. I made a few itsy bitsy changes too! WHEEEEE!!! SUGAR HIGH!!!

Hope you all appreciate my effort, I must say its better set out on my lovely web page... PLUG ALERT! PLUG ALERT!

Well since Fanfiction.net won't let me show my url on this page, it's on my author profile page.

And yes, we're working on more chapters... PROMISE! 


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